Ask me where I’ve been every Monday night from 8-10 p.m. for the last six weeks, and I can tell you without thinking too hard about it. I was sitting on the couch with my roommates, watching Ben Higgins’s season of "The Bachelor." I’m really not sure what it is, exactly, that is so captivating about the show—the beautiful (usually crazy) women, the dramatized confessionals and group dates, the sexy bachelor himself? Probably all of the above.
But for as much as I enjoy the mindlessness of the show, every time the season is winding to an end I can’t help but think how messed up the point of it really is. That is, to fall in love with two people. This element was particularly prevalent this season, since Ben Higgins actually said the words, “I love you” to two women.
Normally the bachelor isn’t permitted to say those three little words to any of the contestants (until the final episode, of course), but a rascally Ben Higgins decided to hell with ABC’s rules and said ILY to both Lauren Bushnell and JoJo Fletcher on the show's 20th season.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why this might be problematic—unless Ben decided to take Lauren and JoJo to Salt Lake City for a cozy three-way wedding, Morman style, he was always gonna have to pick one. And so, all of The Bachelor’s dedicated followers watched last Monday as first JoJo and then Lauren made their way to where Ben was waiting, each woman pretty sure she was “the one” since after all, Ben had confessed his undying love to her the week prior.
Now, if you didn’t watch this season, I don’t mean to suggest that Ben was a total douchebag—in fact, he was far from it. He was polite to all of the women, he was super sweet, and he was very in touch with his emotions—I think I saw Ben close to tears on more occasions than some of the former bachelorettes. Ben captured the hearts of women everywhere. Especially when you compare him to, say, Juan Pablo, who went down in history as The Bachelor’s biggest tool ever.
No, the fact that Ben said, “I love you” to two women does not automatically mean he was playing mind games with them. In my opinion, it seems like he genuinely did love both Lauren and JoJo...and therein lies the issue. The Bachelor compels the bachelor to fall in love—or at least come very close to it—with two women. Then, said bachelor must go through a heart-wrenching breakup with the first woman, only to propose to the second woman 15 minutes later. Granted, I guess this comes with the territory—there has to be some downsides to beautiful islands, insanely cool dates, and endless free booze—but still.
Not only is it not fair to the bachelor—talk about an emotional roller coaster—it’s not fair to the last two contestants, either. Of course this season it was magnified, as I said before, but even so it’s always painful watching the first woman spill her heart to the man she believes is about to be her husband, only for him to awkwardly clear his throat and say some version of, “I really like you but I like ____ more. I’m sorry that things had to end this way, but I’ll always care about you. Can I walk you out?”
Last Monday, Ben’s parting words with JoJo—and I quote—were, “I don’t want to let go, because I don’t want to say goodbye. Even on a day like today, I still don’t question that I do love you.”
YUP. You read that right. Ben openly admitted to JoJo that he was still in love with her, dumped her, and then—after a decidedly staged, “Wooo!” (complete with a fist pump)—popped the question to an oblivious Lauren. News flash, Lauren, your fiancé was faking his happiness when he proposed to you (the phone call to Old Man Bushnell was a nice touch, though).
And who can blame Ben for his enthusiasm maybe not being 100 percent authentic? I personally can’t imagine what it must be like to say goodbye to someone you love or at least care about very deeply, only to get engaged to someone else right afterward. What sane person would possibly be ready for that?
It’s no wonder that most of The Bachelor couples don’t work out—they all have a foundation of incredible emotional instability. Take Lauren, for example. She was probably pretty pissed when she heard about Ben’s breakup with JoJo. Likely, her memories of her engagement day will forever be tainted by the knowledge that Ben said “I love you” to JoJo right beforehand.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so indignant about this that I’ll ever stop watching The Bachelor—the drama factor is obviously what keeps the viewing ratings so high. What I'm saying is that anyone who thinks this show is the perfect way to find true love is an idiot. And I’ll take my imperfect, not-on-a-tropical-island-relationship over Bachelor-level emotional turmoil any day.
