A young, carefree California blonde sits in the passenger seat next to a dapper, polished (much) older man as he drives her home at 2 a.m. They’re discussing his relationship status. She knows he’s either married or divorced. He wonders why it isn’t possible for him to just be single. She smiles and laughs, more to herself than to him and asks about the process of Dating While DivorcedTM,. She describes it as “sitting there and asking each other questions”, a procedure he defends by describing it as “a means to an end”. She smiles as she solemnly states, “But nobody knows what’s wrong with themselves.” The smile disappears as quickly as it formed. “And everyone else can see it right away.”
At that point, I disengage. Don Draper and I share a moment in which we are the same. He is no longer just a character in a TV show, we are both simply people within a society, pondering our place within it. While Mad Men may be fake, the point she raises is very real and even some people’s greatest fear. Can people see all of our flaws the minute they look at us? An even larger question flashes in the review mirror, surpassed by her statement. Do we really have anything wrong with us to begin with?
They pull into the driveway. She shuffles in her seat and says what is expected of her. He responds with the disinvested tone that usually accompanies obligatory actions. He pulls the key out of the ignition as she asks what time his flight is tomorrow. He solemnly responds with a curt “Noon.” He allows a dramatic pause before adding, “Unless you think I should change it.” Their smiles grow as he reaches out to caress her shoulder before working his hand into her hair, leaning in. A verbal and physical invitation. He’s laying it on thick. She plays dumb, asking him a question she already knows the answer to. He feigns ignorance about his actions along with her. He pauses before saying, “You’re so beautiful. And young…” After allowing her to digest the compliment, he tells her that he and her Aunt never had a romantic relationship. To which she replies, “But you love her.” He skillfully avoids the trial, hell-bent on ending the night with a tryst. “For lots of reasons… And in a very different way.”*
The girl would answer yes to both questions, while Don would adamantly answer no. Within the exchange, there are a number of factors that could be considered both ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. The fact that Don is old enough to be her Father would be considered wrong by her mother and much of the rest of society, while his confident display of flirtation asserts that he disagrees. To him, she is merely another beautiful woman he allows to believe she is watching him wrap himself around her finger, when in reality she is actually falling prey to his own carnal desires. Don’s audacity to proposition the niece of his ex-wife would be considered sleazy to most, an unethical and impure adulteration of a beautiful relationship.
To Don, his actions are on the fence of trivial and revolutionary, as they are unimportant in the grand scheme of the world, and his ability to go after what he wants regardless of circumstance or repercussion is what makes him exceptional and even courageous. Even those who respect his ambition could find the error in his choice to be as brazen as he is, viewing it as disrespectful. Others could interpret his actions as daring and inspiring, as transparency about desires and intentions have saved a number of people from torment and calamity.
Anyone can look at Don’s character and know that he is bold, over-confident, and a womanizer. Depending on the circumstance and the point of view of the person assessing, his traits can be painted in a positive or negative light. While none of us are hand-crafted characters in a character-driven series, we are all The Viewers and The Viewed. Constantly, we are assessing the traits of others and deciding based on our own merit whether they should be assigned positive adjectives or negative ones. Constantly others are assessing us and doing the same. Don’s entire life has been built on the back of not changing who he is, but convincing others that they like him the way he likes himself. I know that in the real world that can seem like a difficult task but in reality, the key is not perseverance or patience, it is deciding not to give a damn.
In a society which holds people to often unrealistic standards, the power of defining ‘wrong’ and answering each of these questions lies at the heart of the phenomenon. The true issue is accepting any standards for yourself that are not your own, and in most cases, the true ‘wrong’ is the act of giving other people the power over the definition of who and how you should be. So. Can people see all of our flaws the minute they look at us? Do we really have anything wrong with us to begin with? The answer is yes, but only if you care enough to think the questions apply to you in the first place.
“Caring about what people think of you is useless. Most people don’t even know what they think of themselves.” – Unknown
*The scene is from season 4, episode 3.
