What I Learned In Hungary

Over the past week, I've traveled through parts of Hungary, as well as the country of America's favorite actor-governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. In fact, I'm in a hotel in Vienna as I write this. But, now more than anything, I want to indulge the American people with the petty information I have discovered since being in Hungary a few days ago.

1. All of Hungary is currently ruled by the industries of NaturAqua water and Soproni beer. Truly, there is no other potable water or beer of any other nature in sight. All other imported beer is used in the place of tap water.

2. Budapest, the capital of Hungary is actually split into two parts by fault of the Danube river. These parts are titled accordingly: Buda and Pest.

3. Every day, children pour into the castle grounds in the city of Eger to prepare themselves for future attacks against Hungary's past enemy: the Turks. In doing so, these children have struck fear into the hearts of all of Hungary's enemies, leaving the city in recent peace.

4. American pop culture is valued highly. Every taxi that I have entered into since being in Hungary has always been playing the American Top 40 Tracks. Also, every TV channel in Hungary seemed to be playing American TV shows that have been dubbed over in Hungarian.

5. Wearing an all black outfit isn't gothic or edgy in Hungary, the most radical word applied to this action is: trendy.

6. When the Turkish people invaded Christian Hungary, some Muslim landmarks were left, such as the minaret in Eger. Later a cross was added to the top to transform it into a pseudo-Christian structure. Also later, I climbed to the top through its extremely tiny spiral staircase and was frightened.

7. In Hungary, it's seen as "cool" for men to pop the collars on their polo shirts. Classic European fashion.

8. Since Hungarian is a fairly uncommon language to learn in Europe, the common tourist language is English. So don't feel too bad about being a dorky American tourist who can't pronounce any of the Hungarian words, because the other tourists, even those from neighboring countries, can't either.

9. Hungarians seem to be big fans of Italian food, meaning that for every time someone says a word with the letter "sz" (which happens to be quite often) a new pizzeria opens only a few meters away and in the place of where there might be a Starbucks coffee in the United States is instead a gelato stand.

10. Communism in Hungary ended in the year 1989, merely two minutes ago. Below is a photo of a drawing of a resemblance to the old Hungarian flag.

11. Opposite to the U.S., women in Hungary (or at least Budapest) are more fond of edgier haircuts, such as the pixie cut or what we in the states would usually call the "man bun". The men of Hungary, on the other hand, seem to style their hair more traditionally.

12. The Big Bus Tour will hunt you down and harass you and your precious family at every street corner until you eventually cave in and buy a two-day bus pass.

13. In the 1500s, Hungarians would use this advanced binocular technology mounted on their castle walls to foresee Turkish attacks. Only first, the soldier in charge of guarding the castle and nearby town would need to insert 50 forints to ensure at least two minutes of use.