Almost two weeks ago, I checked myself in the hospital.

I learned how to be myself again because I was so lost I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t have a purpose.

It was the kind of depression that I weighed the least I have in years. I argued with my fiancé at the time and I argued with my parents. It just wasn’t healthy.

I spent five days with no phone, no internet. I was in a room by myself on a floor with a couple people who by the end of my stay actually the night before and the day of became my friends. We talked about our problems and spent hours laughing about everything and anything. I was called little one because of my weight and my stature.

I became close to my nurses who saw me everyday and just talked to me about anything I felt like talking about. I enjoyed talking to my one of my nurses about our love for Disney movies. It was good to have that support from them even if I saw them for small amounts of time due to group therapy and other various activities.

I have learned to really be aware of myself and my limits. That is something in my honest opinion, I think I have struggled with that. I used to push myself until I mentally broke down. Now, I can tell myself and others that I can’t do it for the sake of me and it is nothing against me.

I have learned coping skills. Recently, at work I had two huge anxiety attacks and I couldn’t calm down. Luckily, I was able to walk away from the anxious situation and breathe. I focused on the fact that I was going to be okay and that it was going to pass.

Probably, a month ago, I would be asking to go home because I just couldn’t handle it.

I used to be ashamed of saying I was in the hospital. I told people to just tell whoever asks say that I went to stay with family and I would be back whenever.

I am not ashamed anymore. That short stay saved my life. I was able to laugh and smile and to be around people who actually understood what I was going through. It taught me not to be ashamed.

Yeah, it sucks when people tell you that they think you are weird because you stayed in the hospital. It’s either that or you tell guys you just want to be friends and they tell you that you are mental and you should go back to the hospital.

I am not going to let this experience define me in my life. I am a survivor. I didn’t think I was going to survive. I was drowning. I saved myself by getting help.

Don’t ever be ashamed of telling someone or yourself that you need help. Life is hard. Life isn’t easy and in the end, you have to fight to survive. I decided I was going to fight and it was the best decision of my life.