While experts are saying quarantine may actually be the perfect time to find love, virtual dating in lockdown definitely comes with its fair share of dilemmas. Because, unfortunately, the "real world" we are unable to venture out into at the moment has a funny way of bringing the most inconvenient parts of itself to us.
Dating problems like ghosting, zombieing, negging, breadcrumbing, and gaslighting (and OK, literally everything), for example, all still exist in quarantine. In fact, without the face-to-face part of the relationship, I'd even argue that these issues are getting worse because people feel even less like they owe you their time, attention, and respect.
That said, those who want to end relationships but can't wait until they are with their partner in person are now resorting to virtual dumpage. Yep. I said it. Instead of ghosting, we have something that's only slightly better: video chat breakups (a slight upgrade from the text or phone breakup, but brutal nonetheless).
Here's everything you need to know about what's now being called "zumping."
What is zumping?
Zumping sounds pretty much like what you would imagine it to be in these scary times: "Zoom" plus "dumping." In other words, being dumped (or broken up with) on a Zoom video call — FaceTime's an option too, I guess ("fumping," anyone?).
What to do if you want to zump someone
Consider the best approach to the situation. You know your partner better than anyone else, so having open communication in a way that they will best understand is key. Things to consider if you're the one doing the zumping:
- Just because we're quarantined doesn't mean your partner doesn't have things going on in their life. Take into consideration the timing of this. Obviously don't do it during work or class hours if they're working/studying from home and instead ask when they're available for a scheduled time to chat so you don't catch them so off-guard.
- Be gentle with your wording and go in prepared. Don't wing it and hope for the best because nervousness often leads to word vomit, which can lead to miscommunication. Be clear and kind in your delivery and be ready for questions. It's best to just be honest at this point and leave it all out there.
- Determine what level of communication you will have moving forward. Chances are they will need space and even if you want to continue chatting "as friends" it is now up to them to decide this. Give them whatever space they need.
What to do if you've been zumped
Nothing about this period of time is easy, so being zumped really doesn't make things better. That said, you will get through it, I promise! Just like you would with any other breakup where you let yourself feel all the feels and let it out with friends, do that. Sure it will be a little more difficult to do this virtually, but anything is possible these days.
Zoom (OK, maybe not that app, too soon) FaceTime or Snapchat and video call with friends to talk it out. Or even opt for a Netflix Party or Hulu With Me night to watch some of your favorite chick flicks with your girls in real-time.
To make yourself feel better on your own, try any of the following:
- Read how journaling changed one creator's life.
- Check out our go-to list of meditation resources here.
- Listening to podcasts and music
- Check out our go-to list of therapy resources here.
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