Dating a Transgender Man Doesn't Make Me A Lesbian, And Dating A Man Doesn't Make Me Less Bi
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Dating a Transgender Man Doesn't Make Me A Lesbian, And Dating A Man Doesn't Make Me Less Bi

People ask me a lot about my identity, more than I thought people could really be interested in it.

Dating a Transgender Man Doesn't Make Me A Lesbian, And Dating A Man Doesn't Make Me Less Bi

People ask me a lot about my identity, more than I thought people could really be interested in it. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather people ask me questions than have them assume and be misinformed, but I do get a little exasperated. I started dating my boyfriend while I identified as a lesbian, and he also identified as a lesbian. We were indeed at one point in a lesbian relationship, and that didn't seem to raise any eyebrows at the time. About two months into our relationship, my boyfriend came out as a transgender male. His friends, family, and myself all saw it coming, so it wasn't really an issue to me in anyway whatsoever. My friends and family, however, were very confused by my change of identity from lesbian to bisexual.

"Paige, if you were a lesbian, then how could you be in a relationship with a boy?"

"Are you straight now?"

"Is it still a lesbian relationship because he was born a woman?"

It's shocking to me how cisgendered heterosexual people can be so confused by a change in identity.

My sexuality has always been very much fluid. In high school I identified as bisexual, but into my first year of college I really lost my interest in men, so I chose to identify as a lesbian. There are all kinds of things I could've identified as (fluid lesbian, a homo-flexible, pansexual, bisexual,) but I went with lesbian because it was my decision, and it was easy. Currently, I'm in a heterosexual relationship, am attracted to women, and now identify as bisexual. This comes with it's own can of worms in regards to the questions and comments I get, and so many bisexual people deal with bi-phobia on a regular basis.

"Bisexuality isn't real because you end up choosing one in the end anyways."

"Bisexuals confuse me. Just pick one!"

"If you're a bisexual but you're in a heterosexual relationship, you shouldn't be allowed to come to pride festivals."

These are all things that have been said to, around, and about me. I get them more than normal now because of my current relationship status and identity. Again, I have never ever had an issue with people asking me questions, I just wish things weren't so hard to understand sometimes. I also wish that bisexuals had a better understood identity overall. There just isn't enough representation of bisexuals for people to feel the need to understand us or to look into it.

My advice to straight/cisgender people is to do your research. Read up on things that have to do with the LGBTQIA+ community before making comments or suggestions. If you still have questions, please ask them. It's so much better to be informed, but it's also a great idea to seek out that information from multiple sources.

To reiterate and conclude: I am dating a boy. I am bisexual. I still like girls. My boyfriend and I are not in a lesbian relationship. I am valid.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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