Over the weekend I binge-watched a show that I think has permanently changed my life.The soft, sweet voice of a boy, Cha Eunwoo, from one of my favorite K-Pop groups lured me into an unexpectedly moving story about true beauty.
I originally knew Eunwoo as a member of Astro, which has only recently become one of my primary sources of joy. Despite his remarkably handsome face and soothing voice, I was not initially drawn to him until I heard that he was a gifted actor. As much as I genuinely enjoy music and all other forms of self-expression, I am perpetually biased toward film. So even though Eunwoo wasn't my "favorite" member of Astro, I was determined to watch him act.
I'll admit that I watched him in a web drama with a relatively silly premise; in the story, he came to life from a cardboard cut-out and had a brief romance with a fan. Still, I was so moved by his performance that I could feel myself on the precipice of developing a deep bond with him as a performer.
However, My ID is Gangnam Beauty is what truly impacted me. When people ask why I study literature and film, I explain that I believe stories possess the supernatural ability to move the audience, to connect with them, to change their lives forever just with the force of imaginary characters that embody our fears, hopes, flaws, and strengths. So often I write about how I have been stunned by some remarkable feat in storytelling, but I can't recall a time in recent history where I have been so compelled to laugh, to cry, to hope for a happy ending. The last time before My ID is Gangnam Beauty must have been when I was a freshman in high school, when I experienced my first heartbreak at the hands of John Green's The Fault in Our Stars.
But there is something different about My ID is Gangnam Beauty, and I think it started when the characters introduced themselves as having been born the same year as me. Further, I needed the message about true happiness and confidence much more than I imagined. The drama follows a character named Mi Rae, who drastically alters her face before attending college because she had been horribly bullied her entire life because of her appearance. Throughout the story, she grows more secure in herself and her relationships with the other characters, including the one portrayed by Eunwoo.
I'm not saying that I necessarily relate to Mi Rae's bullying situation— but I do relate to this bizarre thing she does at the start of the show, where she evaluates how beautiful people around her are and therefore grows more uncomfortable in her own skin despite her drastic efforts to be beautiful. I've been doing this at least since the 7th grade, when I moved to a new school and felt an extreme pressure to look as happy as everyone else. And somehow as I got older and more insecure, looking happy became synonymous with looking perfect.
Of course I realized this type of thinking makes me squirm in my own skin, but I didn't quite realize how unhealthy, degrading, and irrational this thought process is until I saw Mi Rae attaching scores to people based on their faces. I didn't realize just how fruitless it was until Eunwoo's character pointed out that instead of attending to one's physical appearance, they should be working on their "pathetic mindset." I didn't realize how badly I wanted to change until Mi Rae declared her desire to move on from a superficial focus to serious thought about what will make her happy.
This is what I think of whenever I hear Eunwoo's voice, whenever I see him performing with Astro, and I don't think I've done a good enough job of describing exactly how important his lesson is to me. Since learning from My ID is Gangnam Beauty, I feel like I am breathing comfortably for the first time in years, as if I had been holding my breath all this time. I finally understand and believe that I am the most precious person in my life, and it has nothing to do with being pretty.
