Starting my senior year of high school, I decided to make a huge change in my life. My self-confidence had been at an all-time low, so I wanted to finally feel beautiful and believe in myself. Now, before I go any further, I need to make it clear that every kind of body is beautiful and that no one should feel the need to change themselves for anyone else or to meet society's discriminatory standards.
That said, I didn't believe myself to be my own ideal, so I wanted to become that, for myself. And only myself.
Which is exactly what I did. I lost about 20-25 pounds through healthy diet and exercise and finally felt like the best version of myself. But once you do make drastic changes like that, it is surprisingly hard to actually be satisfied. Ironic.
I shouldn't be so shocked, because this is the exact attitude that our society preaches: finally reaching your goal seems to be just another stepping stone toward some other unattainable goal. When just a few weeks ago you looked into the mirror seeing what you considered to be perfection, now you see a close-but-not-quite image.
While I have never taken an unhealthy approach to my physical health, and never will, and have been able to force my brain to see the beauty in my body at all stages of my weight loss, there is always going to be a nagging in the back of everyone's brain telling them that they aren't good enough in any aspect of their lives. And while this feat is human, there are some strategies to keep yourself from falling into the trap of materialistic need to be more.
Most importantly, we have to acknowledge that the number on the scale doesn't define who we are. I chose to take on the experiment of refusing to weigh myself for two weeks just to see how it would change my mental state. The effects were drastic!
I'd always known that seeing the number on the scale affected me: I could look in the mirror and feel totally satisfied, but as soon as I stepped on the scale and saw how many pounds or decimals I was from my goal weight, I would look back into the mirror and see nothing but fat. This is absurd, I know, but it would take me a long time of looking in the mirror after I had labeled my body with a number to regain the confidence I had moments before.
So when I stopped weighing myself, the only guidance on how "thin" I was was looking in the mirror and putting on my clothes that (duh!) fit. And I felt the best I've ever felt and the most confident I could be.
We cannot be perfect all the time, nor should we force ourselves to conform to societal norms of beauty. Every body type is beautiful, and you shouldn't feel like you have to change yourself in the slightest. Know that you are beautiful because you are you. End of story.
But if you are trying to change who you are and are doing it for the right reasons (of being the best version of yourself according to yourself), remember, change doesn't happen overnight and give yourself a break along the way. No one can have it together 24/7. Also, and maybe most importantly, try not to hate the "before" or discard the "middle." It took me a long time to realize it, but every phase of life, of your body, etc., isn't something you should hate. Appreciate all of them for what they are, what they've taught you, and what they inspire you to do next. And above all: love yourself so that you can be the best you possible, unencumbered by fear and insecurity, and so that you can love others just as much as you now love yourself.
