One of my defining aspects is my "tallness." Growing up, I was always know as the "tall, sort of skinny, girl." Taller than most of the boys in my class up until middle school and that girl who was always known for being good at basketball. Being taller than most of my friends definitely made me self-conscious at times growing up but for the most part, I didn't mind it. Being 5'10 by the time I was in eighth grade helped give me an advantage in sports, which was always a plus. But, it was in middle school where I lost the "skinny" part of being the "tall & skinny girl." I had played soccer my entire life, which kept me fit, but when I was 13, I broke my wrist during the first game of my spring soccer season. The team I played for was disbanding at the end of that season, which meant I would have to try out for another team to play for in the coming fall. But, because tryouts for the next season were also in the spring, I wasn't able to find a new team while injured. I was in a full-arm cast up to my shoulder for almost eight weeks, missing the entire season. During those eight weeks of not being able to do any physical activity, I put on weight and by the time I was able to become active again, I had probably put on close to 10 pounds.

Looking back, I realize that the weight I put on while injured began my unhealthy relationship with food and body image. I had always been self-conscious of myself but in that two-year period leading up to high school, my insecurities quickly became worse. Once high school began, I began to gain weight every year. I began turning to food as a crutch when I was bored or stressed. I would eat a lot and then immediately regret it afterward and get upset with myself. This cycle continued all throughout my high school years, reaching a high point when I transferred high schools in the fall of my junior year. Although I was still playing basketball almost 6 months out of the year, it seemed as though my metabolism disappeared and I would gain weight even during my season. The majority of my friends were a lot smaller and skinnier than I was and I constantly felt out of place at school dances and events, especially prom. I look at my senior prom pictures now and I cringe at myself because my arms and stomach aren't what I think a healthy and in shape person should look like. I started high school at a normal weight and by the time I graduated, I was that girl who "looks like she could lose a few."

My struggle with body image and weight gain continues to this day. Throughout my freshman year of college, I gained weight when I expected to lose a couple of pounds since I play basketball at the collegiate level. I'm not immensely overweight, but I could lose between 10 and 20 pounds that would help me both mentally and physically. I like to think that my self-confidence would be a little better if I weighed a little less and losing weight would also help me be a better athlete. I constantly look in the mirror and don't like what I see, even though I have made attempts at trying to be healthier. Because, let's face it, being healthy is super hard. I have great admiration for people who don't eat carbs and work out 2x a day but that lifestyle is just not for me. I'm still looking for a weight loss program that's right for me but I still haven't found one yet.

I'm a long way from feeling confident in myself but I've realized that weight isn't everything. What's on the inside of a person matters so much more than the outside. But, if your "outside" can match how amazing you are on the inside, then there's nothing that can stop you.