I reflected on a lot of things recently. One night, I was just lying on my bed, listening to Ariana Grande (you know, the usual) when a thought came up. I can't quite put into words the thought that led me into the reflection, only that I was having a whole world inside my head, and Ari just happened to be on. Leaving me alone with my thoughts means time wherein I think just about anything. I found myself pondering on love.
Don't ask me about romantic love because ya girl doesn't have a solid clue, but I do know something about that friendship type of love. It's the one that made me grow into a happier version of myself: someone who knows her worth (princess bish!), who embraced her creativity and type of intelligence- even if it wasn't in STEM, who loved everyone. I loved everyone because they made it easy to spread happiness. 2011-me, high-school-freshman-me, never thought this type of happiness existed. She was shy and quiet, but she found friends who loved her and helped her grow. 2018-me, college-senior-me, sees the difference.
Yeah, yeah, I'm cheesy- I know. Of course, there have been times when I doubted myself.
There were moments when I grew upset over rejection emails, telling myself that just from the introductory "thank you for your time..." that it was a rejection email. These started to bug me, but reason told me that at least I tried. Being in college has taught me to be more patient that way. The friends I've made, and the friendships that strengthened (hi Bes <3), not only made me happy but they also empowered me. They encouraged me to try out for things that I never thought I would ever do, like auditioning for the Filipino cultural night's play. I know I surrounded myself with the right people when I saw how genuine they were, and how influential they were with their acts.
I grew in that I became more adventurous, more caring towards myself and others, more loving, and more patient. I grew to want to expand on creativity, seeing that I'm happier when I get to work with colors. There was so much I wanted to love, but rejections/failures came to tell me I couldn't. I think I became better at accepting this, though. I put on a strong face because I turned these negativities to humor, accepting that I can't physically do anything to change the circumstance but time and experience helped me twist them to be more positive and lighthearted.
It only took about some twenty years for me to find incredible happiness.