We Continue to Evolve

We Continue to Evolve

Become the best version of yourself


Evolution comes in many forms and can result in many different outcomes. Evolving is a form of change but what isn't always realized is change also means discarding what isn't necessary. As humans, the body learns to internally evolve. We used to need our appendix to break down difficult foods, now it is a mass which resides in our flesh and serves absolutely no function. That pink part from the corner of your eye, that used to be a third eyelid, we see how much we use that nowadays. The generational movement from technology is happening here and now whether you like it or not so either get on board or be left behind. Now think about how much you have changed over the last year from things which at one point you thought were so important. Friendships, relationships, family, school, work… some have changed, and some have not budged but we are different because of those outcomes and we learn to evolve under the circumstances.

With all that being said, we don't really "need" the things which we thought at one point were crucial to exist. Now don't read this and immediately think that you can stop eating healthy or quit your job and a new one will just pop up. I for one have always thought that I could be better, and that self-conscious attitude is what pushes me to succeed, better grades, better looks, better attitude, etc. Others may need a pat on the back and told they are the best, and in some cases, people just need to be left alone to see what they want. Whatever we do to succeed is what we have evolved into doing. It is how the "bad kids" became bad and the "goody two shoes" learnt their manners. It is the environment we grew up in going hand in hand with the people we surround ourselves with and it turns us into well… who we are.

Imagine growing up in a house where you are loved and cared for and praised on a daily basis, you will most likely be happy and spontaneous, trying to achieve more and striving to constantly get a pat on the back. Now flip that and think about being raised in a house of horror. Screaming and yelling. Being reminded of your flaws and told you will amount to nothing. You will most likely turn into the stereotypes. You will drown your emotions and do whatever you can to block out the voices eating away in your mind. It is a scary game because 6/10 kids are brought up in a household which falls smack dab in the middle of these two outcomes and it results in confusion, anger, desperation, depression, anxiety, stress, none of which will bring on happiness. It is no single person's fault and there is no blame to hand out because everyone would be red carded at that point.

So how do we cope with this cluelessness which most millennials have sadly fallen into the cycle of? The obvious answer which most people say is do whatever makes you happy… I wouldn't fully agree with that statement only because I have seen what too much freedom of happiness can do to people and it is a terrifying image. Drugs, alcohol, medication, it is all just a platform to ignore the issue and enjoy a moment. Not a lifetime. I think the biggest weakness from our generation is accepting part time happiness through distractions and procrastination. We expect that things will work out overtime, so we just live in the moment instead of having a vision for what will come tomorrow. Sometimes the world is overwhelming, and we do need a break. We need our "getaways" and irrational decisions, we are kids after all, what do you expect. But those escapes in reality will cloud our judgement and STOP OUR EVOLUTION. They will push us backwards instead of forwards. They will hold us back from understanding our true function in society.

Evolution can only occur when we allow ourselves to cut out the toxins which have been weighing us down and accept that we can change our lives for the better no matter how we are raised or what anyone tells us. There are billionaires who grew up in poverty. CEO's who founded companies from an idea which spiraled out while they were in the shower. Friendships built up from what was once jealousy or hatred. Love which has blossomed from complete strangers. There is always change but it requires work, patience, visions, and a lot of it. Today could be the worst day of your life, and a year from now it could be the best. We are clueless on what our future holds and when our foundation is shaky, so is our mindset. And that is okay. It is time to rebuild so we can evolve into the best forms of ourselves. It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done. It will call for commitment and trusting yourself more than the voices in your head. Be patient with the process because a bad day can always get worse, if you don't want it to get better. Lose the pessimistic attitude that you don't deserve happiness and build for a better tomorrow.

You cannot rebirth a dead tree, but you can plant a seed and care for the roots to ensure it grows into something you are proud to call yours. Get away from the distractions and focus on evolving yourself into someone you are proud to be.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Poetry On Odyssey: Some Days

A poem that reminds you that you're not alone.


Some days,

You dread the sound of your alarm. You snooze and snooze and snooze and snooze.

When you finally pull yourself out of bed, pressed time forces you to throw on stained sweats

you find yourself chugging a cup of coffee.

You sit on the couch and contemplate calling out of work

You caught the stomach bug,

Or perhaps the flu,

Maybe you broke your collar bone

Or need a new phone

The endless list of excuses repeats through your head as you sit on the couch, wishing you were still in bed.

It takes every ounce

Every breath

Every fiber of your being to pull yourself off the couch

And into the car

And into the building where you work

Some days,

This is just how it goes

You are not alone.

Some days,

You awake to the beautiful sound of birds

Chirping outside your window

The sun sneaks its way into your room

A smile creeps across your face as you realize you are awake to see a new day

You make a good breakfast

You read a few pages of your favorite book

You get your mind ready for the things it will accomplish today

Before you know it you've worked an entire day

Your job is done

As you pull into your driveway,

you take a few breaths

Feeling grateful for another meaningful day.

Some days,

This is how it goes

You are not alone.

Every day is a gamble,

Every day is a gift

The key to getting more good days

Is believing that everyday is one.

You are not alone, this is just how it goes.

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