I always wished I could start my life over
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Health Wellness

I Wish I Could Have Chosen A Different Way Of Living Life

My struggles forced me to be the way I am, don't let it decide your own fate.

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Middle and high school were the worst years in my life. Ever since I was born, I have been extremely quiet an introvert. People always say that it is normal for someone to be shy and quiet as a child, but what nobody expected was for that to last throughout high school and part of college. Problems with socializing, doing well in school and always thinking the worst of things can really affect a person in some ways. This is how it affects me, and maybe some of you who are reading my story.

I always thought people looked at me as the weird kid because I rarely talked around anyone. I preferred to be on my own instead of being around other people. To keep myself from possibly having horrible things being said about me behind my back, I would isolate myself and only have a select few friends in my life.

This fear of being around people could also have a side-effect of being diagnosed with anxiety, which means shaking, sweating or getting dizzy at stressful times, like being in front of new people or a large group. In this generation, people can be so judgmental that it effects some peoples brain by making them think the worst, like being made fun of or talked bad about. This is where the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" comes into play, and people should remember this.

All throughout middle and high school, I have not only had trouble with social anxiety, but also struggled with school work. My entire life, I have done awful in school. My main struggle was reading comprehension, so I had to take an extra class every other day after school to get more help with it. After always failing exams and quizzes in my life, I felt like I was a failure because I couldn't do anything.

I don't know if there are other people out there who feel the way I have, but if there are, do not let it ruin your life. Try to get help with doing better and then you won't have to deal with the feeling of being a failure in your own mind.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with controlling my thoughts about certain things. I would be doing one thing, and in the back of my mind I would have every possible thing that could go wrong. It had gotten to the point where sometimes I couldn't sleep for hours, which is why I would listen to music or have background noise to distract me from worst possible scenarios.

Even if it is the happiest moment of my life, I know that I can't stop the horrible thoughts coming into my head. I always wondered what could be making these thoughts always popping up in my head, but I have been too scared to tell my family about it. I feared that this could mean I have a problem and would need to take medication to help me. I always hate the idea of taking medication since it could make me seem like even more of a freak, and I do not want that.

I wish to tell all the other people out there that it is OK to be different. You don't have to let it ruin how you wish to live your life. Try not to let what people could think get to your head, they most likely won't think any of that stuff. I know I haven't figured out how to do this, but I hope that anyone else struggling with this will decide to get help, something I did not do. Don't forget, never let people change how you live your life or how you think about yourself.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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