My words tend to come out like bullets.

But what can I say?

I learned to speak by having similar bullets thrown at me.

I never intended to have my words create a battlefield within my relationships but they have.

I get a lot of "no need for the attitude" and "you don't have to say it like that."

Most of the time I don't know that I'm doing it.

I just state life as it is and it is taken as aggressive.

Really, I don't change my tone at all.

I just say what I have to say and next thing I know everyone is offended.

So, when I was about 8, I developed a surefire way to stop these moments from happening.

I don't talk.

I don't say a word.

I hold it all in until I can write it all down.

Thing is, that doesn't work so well either.

You see that's unhealthy.

You should say what you have to say.

But I can't.

I can't say what I want to say because my words fly out of my mouth and wreck havoc on those I love.

But if I cage them in,

They make my mind rot.

I would much rather self destruct then damage others.

Sometimes I can chose my battles wisely and go weeks, even a month, before i accidentally fall into the trap again.

I don't really know what to do with myself anymore.

If nothing I do is right then why should I bother stopping myself.

Like it or not my way of speaking is embedded in me.

There is no going back.

No redoing it.

No prettying it up to save feelings.

When I speak i mean really truly speak.

I can cause atoms to shatter.

That is the power bestowed on my words by the soul that I hold.

So I will not hold my tongue.

Or as some like to say "check my attitude" when I didn't have one to begin with.

I'm tired of constantly apologizing for the fact that my words move and spin like a brewing hurricane.

Instead here is what I will do.

I will fine tune my voice to carry the weight of my words.

I will take the time to sharpen my sentences,

So as not to beat them down.

They will no longer come out like a broken record.

Now I will swing my words with deadly precision.

I will no longer leave any collateral damage.

There will be no more blind tossing of words.

My voice will be the weapon with which I carve out my thoughts.

I will train myself to speak without fear and encompass the entirety of my meaning without throwing a wreaking ball at my relationships.

My voice will rise and fall in waves never losing its purpose.

For the voice is the only thing that can capture my words without destroying others or myself.