For the past seven years, I have been a vegetarian.
But, don't be fooled. I once was the kid that always ordered chicken fingers and didn't pass up a burger at family barbecues.
I'll usually tell people I chose to be a vegetarian due to ethical reasons. However, this is only half of the truth. In reality, being a vegetarian was part of my eating disorder. I denied this truth for years and kept it a secret. Being a vegetarian was a way to restrict food groups, an excuse to get out of eating at restaurants, and a dire attempt to keep the weight off. It took a lot of encouragement and a few months, but I finally allowed myself to eat meat again. With time, a piece of chicken slowly turned into two, then three.
When I first gave up meat, I had no idea how long it would last or how successful I would be. Seven years later and I am finally giving in. I am allowing myself to experience life and gain back parts of myself that were lost to my eating disorder. I gained back my independence when I moved to Montana, my smile when I started saying "yes" more than "no", my laugh when I began to let people in, and my zeal for life when I was no longer content with just existing.
It is comforting to sit at the dinner table and eat the same meal as everyone else. It is comforting to have more than just a few options at a restaurant. It is empowering to trust my intuition and honor my cravings.
Maybe I'll dabble in vegetarianism again in the future. But, for now, I am going to focus on my heath and the release of my eating disorder. I will never turn down a salad but I'll top it with some chicken from now on.
