Somehow, I am finding a moment between unpacking today to sit down and write this article. When I say between packing, I also mean between the following: classes, studying, work, work, and all the adulating. During the beginning of summer, for some reason I began to feel like adulthood was actually starting for me. In a sense, I believe there are a number of reasons for this.
But, to make a long story short this time feels as my being on the threshold of my own coming of age story. I am settling into this routine of normalcy with responsibilities and bills; making my own decisions of what’s best for me. One of those most recent adult decisions was to move back to South Carolina and become a commuter to graduate school. This proved to be one of the best decisions I’ve made since I decided to head straight to seminary following my graduation from Presbyterian College, which leads me to my mind whenever I’ve been unpacking.
As Sophia Petrillo begins all of her stories in the 80s comedy, Golden Girls, “picture it!” – I am sitting amongst my boxes in my new apartment unpacking it all. My mind is half present to what I am unboxing, and the other half is ticking through the to-do I am needing to complete for work. Squirreling for a moment, work has truly been a solace for me recently.
Ministering in my niches of media ministry and young adult at St. John’s has helped me find that stride. Therefore, I am usually thinking of work or what needs to be done next, even when I am not in the office. It doesn’t end in ministry. Also, it doesn’t help that two of my seminary classes this semester revolve around studying the context of my church. All that to say, I had linked these present thoughts of work duties to a larger reality.
“This will be your life, Rebecca.”
Moving will be my life. A stipulation of ordained ministry in the United Methodist Church is the itinerant system, meaning that I’ll be moved to a new church every few years. This is a future verity I’m honestly OK with.
What came to my mind was what a life of ministry, of itinerancy, appears like when it comes to an authentic relationship. What will my relationships in life be like for family and friends? Already in my first year of ministry, I find myself so stretched with time. How will I manage in the future as I get busier in other churches as my duties increase? How do I maintain authentic relationships when so many of mine will be positions of power where I am offering the pastoral counseling?
Recently, I read an article a friend shared with me called “Your Pastor Is Not Your Friend.” Which is true. The article was enlightening to the fact that relationships between pastor and parish do require certain levels of boundaries. As a pastor, I’ll have to maintain levels of professionalism with my congregation members.
Therefore, I wonder what this means for me in the future? Honestly, I don’t have the answer right now. Honestly, I worry about what that answer might be. I am an extrovert. But, an active life of ministry is beginning to change that portion of my personality. Due to the fact of having to be “on” so often for others, I become worn out by the end of a work day or school day. I need “me” time to wind down or work on other things.
Where does that leave me in the future? Of course, I don’t have that answer. What I did come to the conclusion of during these series of thoughts as I am unpacking this first time of many is this: I can only begin to build skills for that now. All my churches or contexts will be different.
Yes, I will have to work hard at building those boundaries. Yet, I will love them like I will be there forever. Just as I will do now. The answer is to focus on the present and those relationships which are there then. I will give to those around me as I see God calling me to do. I’ll pour into those intimate friends and family that see a little more of me than others. I’ll work on my relationship with God. I’ll take it day by day.
That’s my epiphany in this time of my coming of age story. I have to take this journey of life day by day.
