12 Potential New Chipotle Policies
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12 Policy Changes That Chipotle Should Consider For 2018

Times they are a changin'.

12 Policy Changes That Chipotle Should Consider For 2018
Travis Yewell

We've been shaking things up lately at Chipotle. It's been awhile since our food was making everyone sick. The former CEO of Taco Bell has taken over and things are going really well. As always, we're cooking up new ideas in the Chipotle NEXT Kitchen. Here are a few potentials:

1. Guac Is Still Extra

Getting this one out of the way early.

2. Tobasco® Sauce Recall

Kindly return your sauce to the restaurant from which it was stolen.

3. New Menu Item: Watery Cheese Soup

We've been calling it queso but that was never entirely honest.

4. Pre-Made Burritos

If you're a muscular guy in flannel we already know it's double steak.

5. Staying Open Later

Now you're not an asshole until you come in at 10:55PM.

6. Karaoke Nights

I said maybeeeeeee!

7. Happy Hour

Looking for a (sort of) cheap, watered-down margarita at 2:00 in the afternoon? We've got you covered.

8. Self-Serving Stations

This should cut down on portion related confrontations by 100%.

9. Return Your Burrito Bowls

They're more expensive than they look.

10. Kids' Meals Toys

Replacing fruit with marketed toys actually saves us money.

11. Homegrown Produce

It's time to re-purpose Derrick's hydroponics system.

12. Napkin Limits

Half of our napkins go straight in the garbage.

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