For as long as I can remember, this idea of who I was supposed to be at a particular time in my life has run through my mind. I had a plan for who I was going to be by certain ages and stages in my life. It sounds crazy, I know. I often think that a lot of us are like this. We plan our lives out to the very last detail. And, honestly, it can be exhausting and overwhelming.
Over the past few months, I have been on a journey of genuinely trying to understand who I am and what life is supposed to look like. Learning about who you are and why you may be a certain way can be scary because sometimes you don't like what you learn. However, there is so much growth in understanding your bad habits and not-so-great qualities. One of the hardest pills to swallow is realizing where you've been wrong. There is also freedom in figuring out that there is more to life than what you've seen and experienced.
In my own experience, I feel like growing up in a small town and being told what is right and wrong influenced the person I was trying to become. I had to check off everything on my list to be the person that would have people proud. What would it matter if I was miserable making choices out of fear as long as I was trying to be "that girl" like everyone wanted? It doesn't matter what they think, because it's not their life to live, it's yours.
What if the person you were trying to be is already the person you are? What if we miss out on who we are while we're trying to become someone we aren't supposed to be? One of the biggest blessings in my life has honestly been the disruption of the plan I had for my life. If we are continually trying to reach this person we have created in our minds, we feel defeated when we don't become that person. Often the person we are trying to become is an unreachable person made from a mold of the world's design. One day I decided that I don't want to live up to standards that the world has made anymore. I'm tired of trying to be the "perfect girl." I don't want to be her anymore. I want to live life day by day and love myself. I want to enjoy the unique qualities of myself and also call myself out for the bad stuff too.
If I could tell the girl I was trying to become anything, it would be, "I don't want to be you anymore. You may be the 'perfect girl' in the eyes of some, but from the way I see it, you're a girl that lives life with fear attached to every choice." I'm done trying to live up to a girl made from a mold of the world. I don't need anyone's permission to believe in who I am.
I am on a journey of understanding who I am and why I am the way I am. I have decided to hang up "that girl" and not ever try to wear her on my shoulders again. I am on the way to determining what I want my life to be like and what I want to put into the world. If you're out there, struggling to meet standards you have picked out for yourself to wear and wondering when you can enjoy life, I invite you to hang "that girl" up. Join me in a daily choice of freedom to be who you already are.
