Trust. It's such a little word, yet so very heavy. This word has the potential of bringing back some dark memories where negative effects that can come with this word were experienced. Other times it can bring about a sense of security. Everyone's experiences are different. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines trust as "one in which confidence is placed." In other words, a relying confidence is placed on someone or something. Knowing that definition makes sense as to why some might have negativity associated with trust.
The Bible says that God is trustworthy. He created and loved us so much that He allowed His Son to die a death we deserved. Genesis 1:27 states that we were created in God's image. How crazy is that to think about? That we were God's most prized creation. He sacrificed His own Son, Jesus, to be crucified. You had to do something really terrible to deserve that kind of death. He was dying for the sins of the entire world, both past and future. Everything that led up to that moment, God knew about. He had it all planned, just so His prized creations could be reunited to Him. So much sacrifice was given on our behalf, yet why is trusting someone who loves us so much this hard?
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Trust God with all my heart. Alright, that is easy. God loves me, so He is not going to allow me to experience any kind of pain right? Oh, wait! It says I shouldn't rely on my own understanding. Not rely on my own understanding? Does that mean that there will be times when things happen that I don't understand why they happened?
That is exactly what that means. God allowed terrible things to happen to Jesus because He knew they had to happen in order for His will to be accomplished. It was God's will for His Son to be killed on our behalf. For a reason I don't understand, God allows things to happen that are sometimes earth-shattering. He is still good though. Jesus said to His disciples all throughout the Gospel of John that they might not understand everything now, but one day they will.
Merriam-Webster recognizes acknowledge as "to recognize the rights, authority, or status of." When you acknowledge God as the sovereign Lord of your life, then He'll direct your paths. He'll keep you in the palm of His hand and never let you go. Why? It goes back to the Gospel. He loves you so much.
This feat is still not always easy. I know I have some trust issues that have resulted from being hurt by other people. Also, it can be very anxiety-provoking to think about giving up control. Also, trials are hard. They shake you, break you, but God is there holding you the entire time. It's hard to believe that at times, but I know His love is everlasting. He promises to never leave me, especially when I need Him most.
To answer the question, I do trust God. However, that trust has really been tested the past few months. It's times like this where I have to make my faith bigger than what I feel. Faith says God is still there and good. My emotions say God has abandoned me. I know God is worthy of my trust though. He's bigger than the past baggage that left me broken and the present circumstances that threaten to break me. He is God, and He is my Savior. And He is worthy.