Going from high school to college is a huge transition; you will be moving to a new location, possibly living on your own for the first time, navigating classes, meeting new people, and possibly hardest of all, leaving high school friends behind. As all of your friends take their diplomas and start their own journeys, it is very common that you may find that your high school friend group drifts apart.
Speaking from personal experience, I had a very tight-knit group in high school. We hung out all of the time, participated in clubs together, shared all of our secrets and inside jokes, and were practically inseparable. When college decision time rolled around in the spring of senior year, it started to become clear that we were all spreading far away for school. Over the summer we talked about plans to visit each other and stay in touch, and spent every day we could hanging out until it was time to leave. Finally, as the school year began, we moved to different states, classes started, and it was not as easy keeping in touch every day as we had thought.
I am just as guilty as my friends for not keeping in touch. I got involved in clubs, made new friends, and got wrapped up in living at my school. And I don't blame my friends either; I know they were very busy getting established and making their schools their own. So in a way, I was happy for them, but I did have some realizations as my friend group started to dissipate.
To begin, I realized who would be in my life for a long time.
Some of the people I thought I was super close to in my group had actually been more friends of friends, and we didn't have much in common. They seemed much harder to get a hold of and catch up with. When I did see them over winter break or the occasional weekend home, it felt as if I was trying to make conversation with people I barely knew, but that was if they could make the effort to see me at all. Some were either too busy or barely ever around, because they went very far away from home for school, that there was not enough time to make plans. The friends that went the furthest away really spread their wings, took advantage of the new freedom to explore themselves, but also grew away from who they were and who they hung out with at home.
Something else I experienced was the hurt of watching a few friends in our group hanging out together over social media all of the time. These friends ended up getting closer over this last year as they found they enjoyed being more carefree and edgy, while some of us still enjoyed pajamas and hanging out at home. Furthermore, in high school, we always hung out together as a group, as we never wanted to exclude anybody. But with the group having broken up a bit, there was less pressure to include everyone. I found myself sad to see everyone separate, and also left out. Part of me was torn because I noticed we were growing into very different people and didn't have that much in common anymore, but I still clung onto the fact that this had been my group of close friends for years and I was not ready to let go.
Even after only a year, the people that I thought I knew better than anyone else in high school had changed to people I felt I barely knew with whole other lives I was not apart of anymore. Likewise, I had a lot going on in my life that I was so wrapped up in that I hadn't shared with them. While I treasure the memories we shared in high school, I also understand that I cannot take it personally that my friends and I are not as close as we once were. I have to be happy for the jobs and internships that they get that will help them on their journey to decide what they want to do in life and gain important skills, for the friends they make, and the memories they will treasure, even if that means they have less time to share with me.
One final realization I had was I learned to appreciate the friends I have made in college and what makes them so different from the friends I had made in high school.
The new people that have come into my life share so many similar interests and goals. I know that my colleagues, that I now share classes with, will be valuable connections as they enter the veterinary field with me. Even if eventually we do not stay in touch, I will not take it personally as I have come to understand that a part of life is friends entering and, sometimes, exiting your circle.
I do want to clarify that I do keep in touch with my friends from high school; there are still many I am very close with. Some I found I didn't need to text every week- or even every couple of weeks- to feel like time hadn't passed since I last saw them. These are friends I know I will be able to stay close to no matter the distance between us.
Note to the reader: if you are going through a similar situation and can relate on some level, I just want to let you know a few things.
This is much more common than you may think. It's very natural for people to change and grow, which can be a great learning opportunity for you. But not all high school friendships end, and don't let the distance discourage you. Either way, you are able to decide to cut off connections that were not great in the first place or work hard to keep close friends in your life for a long time. I encourage you to branch out in college, to make your own little college family, and don't let the thought that your main friends are still the ones at home hold you back. You can have both, but I promise you the connections you make in college are some of the deepest, most rewarding relationships that you will cherish forever.
