I Am Transgender No Matter What Hardships I Have Or Have Not Gone Through

I Am Transgender No Matter What Hardships I Have Or Have Not Gone Through

I am agender and proud, no matter what the world tells me.

110
views

When I was 16 I had the first direct thought of: "am I trans?"

That wasn't the first time I had realized I wasn't a girl. In fact, in middle school, I had told my friends that I felt more like a gay man than I did a straight woman. In elementary school and even before I didn't enjoy wearing dresses as much as other children did, I much preferred walking around topless and just wearing my spiderman boxers as a toddler. My gender was never quite clear to me, though. My parents just assumed that I was a tomboy and didn't think otherwise.

Tumblr introduced me to a world of terms. Queer, grey ace, demisexual, and so many other terms that I had never really heard before. When I came across drag and then genderfluidity, the idea of dressing like other genders was so fascinating to me. I decided to try it! It began as cosplays, mostly Dean and Castiel from Supernatural. Every time I would do it, however, there was always a discomfort with my chest. It didn't feel right to have the chest that I have. A few months later and a friend gifted me my first binder (a really cheap bad quality one--don't worry though, I got a GC2B binder later). I would go to school with my black binder tank and people seemed confused at first but people soon stopped asking why I was wearing it. Not before long, she/her pronouns started to feel less and less comfortable.

I asked myself if I was a trans man and started going out in public with a beard made of mascara and a tight shirt to show off my binded chest. It was an adrenaline rush stepping outside of my comfort zone in that way, I even got my closest friends to try he/him pronouns on me to see if I liked them! That year I also went to ASPYRE, a camp hosted by the LGBT center of Raleigh, NC and I discovered more people, more genders, and more pronouns. With my binder on in pride, I made more queer friends and got the chance to test out ze/zir pronouns and other ways to style my clothes. The chance to experiment with other LGBT people allowed me to grow and to this day remains one of the best weekends I could have ever had.

College rolled around a few years later. I still had my good binders and would wear them occasionally, but never nearly as much as I had that year. My parents had deterred me from wearing them my senior year and no one knew how to use ze/zir pronouns so I had let the misgendering slide and didn't think about my gender until coming to UNC Asheville. One of my orientation leaders used they/them pronouns and so did many other people that I quickly made friends with. I met more trans non-binary people and realized that I'm not a man, but not a woman either.

I am agender and proud.

It has taken me practically a lifetime to come to such a conclusion but coming to terms with my non-binary identity has helped me tremendously. Still, I struggle with the question of, am I trans enough? I won't wear my binder if it's hot outside because of how uncomfortable it can be. I don't wear a bra most of the time because those aren't comfortable either. I still feel dysphoria from my chest but it's not so bad that I would want top surgery. I don't want bottom surgery. Maybe one day I wouldn't mind taking testosterone and getting a hysterectomy but besides that, I look like many of the girls at my school. I don't call myself trans in public even though I do introduce myself with they/them pronouns now.

Still, the thought lingers that I don't deserve to call myself trans. I've been called slurs like dyke and fag but nothing about my gender. I haven't been threatened or attacked for being trans. But still, non-binary falls under the trans umbrella. The white stripe in the flag even stands for those transitioning, intersex, and non-binary people and yet I feel as though I am overstepping a boundary.

But I am trans. I am transgender no matter what hardships I have or haven't gone through. I am valid in my gender identity no matter how often I am misgendered. Whether my breasts are in a bra or a binder or surgically removed, I am still trans and I will stand by that each and every day.

Popular Right Now

When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

148100
views

My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

151
views

It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

Related Content

Facebook Comments