I Am Transgender No Matter What Hardships I Have Or Have Not Gone Through
Life Stages

I Am Transgender No Matter What Hardships I Have Or Have Not Gone Through

I am agender and proud, no matter what the world tells me.

129
https://unsplash.com/photos/KLKskEi777M

When I was 16 I had the first direct thought of: "am I trans?"

That wasn't the first time I had realized I wasn't a girl. In fact, in middle school, I had told my friends that I felt more like a gay man than I did a straight woman. In elementary school and even before I didn't enjoy wearing dresses as much as other children did, I much preferred walking around topless and just wearing my spiderman boxers as a toddler. My gender was never quite clear to me, though. My parents just assumed that I was a tomboy and didn't think otherwise.

Tumblr introduced me to a world of terms. Queer, grey ace, demisexual, and so many other terms that I had never really heard before. When I came across drag and then genderfluidity, the idea of dressing like other genders was so fascinating to me. I decided to try it! It began as cosplays, mostly Dean and Castiel from Supernatural. Every time I would do it, however, there was always a discomfort with my chest. It didn't feel right to have the chest that I have. A few months later and a friend gifted me my first binder (a really cheap bad quality one--don't worry though, I got a GC2B binder later). I would go to school with my black binder tank and people seemed confused at first but people soon stopped asking why I was wearing it. Not before long, she/her pronouns started to feel less and less comfortable.

I asked myself if I was a trans man and started going out in public with a beard made of mascara and a tight shirt to show off my binded chest. It was an adrenaline rush stepping outside of my comfort zone in that way, I even got my closest friends to try he/him pronouns on me to see if I liked them! That year I also went to ASPYRE, a camp hosted by the LGBT center of Raleigh, NC and I discovered more people, more genders, and more pronouns. With my binder on in pride, I made more queer friends and got the chance to test out ze/zir pronouns and other ways to style my clothes. The chance to experiment with other LGBT people allowed me to grow and to this day remains one of the best weekends I could have ever had.

College rolled around a few years later. I still had my good binders and would wear them occasionally, but never nearly as much as I had that year. My parents had deterred me from wearing them my senior year and no one knew how to use ze/zir pronouns so I had let the misgendering slide and didn't think about my gender until coming to UNC Asheville. One of my orientation leaders used they/them pronouns and so did many other people that I quickly made friends with. I met more trans non-binary people and realized that I'm not a man, but not a woman either.

I am agender and proud.

It has taken me practically a lifetime to come to such a conclusion but coming to terms with my non-binary identity has helped me tremendously. Still, I struggle with the question of, am I trans enough? I won't wear my binder if it's hot outside because of how uncomfortable it can be. I don't wear a bra most of the time because those aren't comfortable either. I still feel dysphoria from my chest but it's not so bad that I would want top surgery. I don't want bottom surgery. Maybe one day I wouldn't mind taking testosterone and getting a hysterectomy but besides that, I look like many of the girls at my school. I don't call myself trans in public even though I do introduce myself with they/them pronouns now.

Still, the thought lingers that I don't deserve to call myself trans. I've been called slurs like dyke and fag but nothing about my gender. I haven't been threatened or attacked for being trans. But still, non-binary falls under the trans umbrella. The white stripe in the flag even stands for those transitioning, intersex, and non-binary people and yet I feel as though I am overstepping a boundary.

But I am trans. I am transgender no matter what hardships I have or haven't gone through. I am valid in my gender identity no matter how often I am misgendered. Whether my breasts are in a bra or a binder or surgically removed, I am still trans and I will stand by that each and every day.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

13 Father's Day Shirts Under $30 To Gift The Dad Wearing The Same Two Every Day In Quarantine

You've been begging him to change it up, and now he won't have a choice.

Let's be honest: most of our dads are wearing the same shirts today that they probably wore while changing our diapers and holding our hands as we learned to walk. Sure, we love them for it. But whether you're quarantined with him wearing the same two shirts on rotation every week, or every time you FaceTime him, you know what he'll be wearing before he answers the phone, he needs to add some new items to his wardrobe rotation.

And you know dads — they'll feel guilted into using practically anything you were to give them. But these shirts are sure-fire ways to get him to switch up his wardrobe, and he'll be more than excited to wear each and every one of them. Plus, most of them are under twenty dollars, so no harm in dropping more than a couple in to your cart and letting Dad have his pick of his favorites.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Sat Down (Virtually) With Hollis Tuttle To Talk About Coronavirus's Impact On The Wellness Industry

Just because coronavirus has greatly impacted the wellness industry doesn't mean wellness stops.

If you're anything like me, your weekly fitness classes are a huge part of your routine. They keep me fit, healthy, and sane. Honestly, these classes help my mental health stay in tip-top shape just as much as they help my physical health.

Due to the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, gyms and fitness studios are facing temporary closure. Yes, this means my personal routine is thrown a curveball, but this also means the wellness industry is one of many that is looking at unemployment and hardship. Do I miss my Monday spin class? Of course. But do the wellness professionals whose worlds were flipped upside down have a lot more to overcome than a slight change of routine? Absolutely. Thankfully, if anyone can prove the ultimate flexibility, it's the wellness industry.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

My Boyfriend Has Changed Since Quarantine Began, And I Don't Know What To Do

"All he says is 'I love you,' which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him."

Each week Swoonie B will give her advice on anonymous topics submitted by readers. Want to Ask Swoonie B something related to dating and relationships? Fill out this form here — it's anonymous.

Dear Swoonie B,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, which has been the best year of my life (as far as i know). Well we go to different schools and are both very involved in sports and school activities which makes it hard to see each other. During this quarantine it is especially hard. Since we haven't seen each other in over a week things are kind of tense. He won't really talk to me much and I always check in on him to make sure he is doing well and to just see how he is, ya know being a girlfriend. Well apparently that is driving him crazy and I don't understand how. I'm not being controling or clingy, i'm just checking in on him. While this is happening, I also have noticed how he just doesn't really care anymore. I'll leave him paragraphs of sweet love letters to wake up to and I encourage him throughout his day but I just don't get it in return. I love him with all of me and I obviously care about him a lot. Also, I've compared how he talked to me before all of this has happened. He was so sweet and caring, texting me a lot and telling me he loves me and just making sure everything is OK but he doesn't do that anymore. All he says is "I love you," which is great and all but OMG I can't get anything else out of him. He is a little stressed at home with trying to find another job to pay for his car, constantly having to do things for his mom, being responsible for his siblings, and managing school. I know thats a lot but im doing a lot too right now and going through a lot of the same stuff he is but It seems to me he just does not care and i don't know what to do. Please help me or give me some advice on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. Anything at this point will help. Thank you!

If I had a dollar for every time I heard "these are unprecedented times," I'd be rich. But that's because it's true!

Keep Reading... Show less
Tower 28

On paper, Amy Liu appears to be one of the most intimidating women in the beauty business. Not only was she the person to build Smashbox Cosmetics into what it is today, she went on to lead luxury, high-end brands like Kate Somerville and Josie Maran — just to name a few.

But sitting down to meet Liu for the first time in an underground New York bar over a year ago felt like meeting a friend I'd known since childhood. As she walked into the bar in a chic red dress, it was impossible not to feel her immediate warm presence. When she talks about her history as an entrepreneur (and truly, at heart, she always was one), you don't get the sense that she's selling you anything, though with her impeccable taste, I'd use anything that had her glowing review attached to it.

Keep Reading... Show less

Sixth grade was the year that you were allowed to participate in a school sport. This was what my friends and I had all been waiting for since we started middle school. I had already made the cheer team with my friends, but I had to wait to start that in the winter since we cheered for basketball. I really wanted to have some sort of activity in the fall, but I did not know what to do. Somehow, I decided to run cross country. Not really sure how I decided on a sport where it was quite literally just running. A few of my friends were doing it as well, so I knew it was going to be fun.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Working Out Every Day During Quarantine Helps Me Feel A Sense Of Control

Physical activity helps my mental health in a world that feels uncertain.

Before the pandemic, I exercised a handful of times a week at best. In quarantine, I've been exercising every single day. I don't want this article to be another spiel about how exercise "changed my life," and all the other cliches that health gurus use to convince others to work out more. Rather, I want to reveal that exercise is a tool that works for me because it boosts my mental health when I feel like the world is spiraling out of control.

Keep Reading... Show less

To say that 2020 has been a bit of a roller coaster is an extreme understatement. Who knew that this decade was going to start off like THIS!? Not me, not you, and not that sweet old lady who lives down the street. One thing is certain though — while the world may be a mess right now, you can still fuel your body with food that keeps you happy and healthy. Thankfully, as we are all spending more time inside, you can get healthy snacks delivered straight to your front door! Amazon has never been more convenient (and tasty).

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments