When I was younger, I was a tomboy.
I played with trucks instead of dolls, I didn’t care how I looked, and I enjoyed watching football more than watching the Barbie movies. I accounted it to my father, who deep down inside, wished his first child had been a boy. Because of that, I became his son. He took me to baseball and football games, had me listen to classic rock, and showed me Star Wars before I could walk. I played softball, soccer, and basketball intensely.
My mom laid out my clothes for me until I was 13, and after that, my wardrobe consisted of t-shirts and leggings. My mannerisms were male, I swung my arms and took up space when I walked and I man-spread while I sat. I didn’t wear makeup until I got acne in 6th grade, and that was purely because I was embarrassed about my pimples.
However, I never felt the need to look “cute” and “girly.”
My mom always told me I needed to care about how I looked as I got older, and I was always sad and insulted when she thought I couldn’t act and wear what I wanted. But once I hit 10th grade, I realized I was the only girl who still didn’t wear makeup and whose wardrobe consisted of t-shirts.
After that, I started getting more and more girly. I would throw on a dress when it got warm out, put on some mascara, and straighten my hair. I was shocked at how good it made me feel, and I slowly developed an interest in fashion and got more passionate about what new foundations came out.
However, now that I’ve hit college, I’ve never been more confused on how to label myself. I love fashion and makeup, but I watch football and basketball games with more intensity than teen dramas. I’ll go online shopping for cute clothes, but then I’ll get into destroying my friend in Madden.
I always ask myself the question: Where do I stand?
Coming to this question had made me realize for the first time I don’t have to choose. Loving video games and loving baseball are as equally me as loving a new t-shirt and that new eyeshadow. I will wear dresses, crop tops, and heels, but I will also wear baggy sweatshirts, baseball hats, and sneakers.
Not only is my tomboy-self part of my identity, but so is my girly-self. I would never want to give up one over the other or force the other one out due to my previous preconceived perceptions of what I should be.
