It's an experience that you never think you would have to go through. Something you've heard about others but never really thought about it actually happening to you. It's not easy to see your parents cry and scream in pain - not actual pain but absolute heartbreak. A call in the middle of the night informing you that your sibling is dead is something that is both unforgettable and wanting to be blocked in your memories. The days and weeks following are a blur. I don't truly remember who reached out, who said what, and the events that followed. My brain has clearly tried to forget this time. This loss is something that none of my friends were able to understand, and while my parents and brother dealt with the same loss, I still felt alone in this tragedy. It's awkward having to tell people that you have a dead sibling, and awkward to try to even explain to people the daily reminders and triggers. It's also weird when it seems as though everyone else's life returns to normal after they give their sympathies, and knowing that your life will never be the same. It's weird knowing how uncomfortable it makes people and how they constantly try to never bring them up and forget they existed, when really its comforting to actually have a space to be able to share your memories.
For so long I have craved a sense of understanding and belonging, so I am writing this in an attempt to reach others to share in this sucky experience of losing someone you love, whether it be a parent, sibling, close friend, or anyone else. Finally, five years later, I'm ready and open to sharing my experiences and feelings as well as connect with other people who have felt the same things.
To those who have lost a sibling - please know that others are here and at least on some level understand what you are experiencing. It's absolutely not easy, and something that I know it seems friends just don't understand and will never. I always tell my friends that I'm so happy they don't understand what I feel like because I would never wish for them to experience this loss. I know that sometimes we may feel all alone in the world and that nobody quite gets what it feels like, what the daily reminders are. So, this is for all of you - who are feeling the same as I do, who may feel a bit lost, or unsure of how to continue moving forward and heal. For those of you who want to share your stories and recognize the loss in your life as well as the gain of being able to know this amazing person. Keep up with my posts to learn more about my experiences as well as to share your own and reach out to someone who has been through the same thing.
