Just like every typical girl in their 20's, I'm really into enneagrams right now. I know that they don't tell us EVERYTHING about ourselves, but sometimes they are really spot-on. I am a Type 9- the Peacemaker. The basic desire of a peacemaker is "an inner stability and peace of mind." They are devoted to the search for peace, both internal and external. So naturally right now, there are so many things going on in the world that are making me struggle internally. Because what is more upsetting to a Peacemaker than things going on around her that she can't control. I know that I am not alone when I say that I have stayed awake many nights worrying. Worrying about what this virus could lead to. Worrying about the health of my Grandpa, and my mom, along with many others who I know battle with health problems and need doctor's appointments to survive. Worrying about those I love who will be without a steady income. Worrying about my friends who are pregnant, and who have just given birth. Worrying about my church and my pastors. Worrying about our youth students who are seniors. Worrying and thinking about every possible scenario. I find that this only tends to happen when I become isolated. This time of isolation could be very upsetting for people like me who thrive in community with others, and get trapped in their own thoughts when they're alone. So, I guess I am writing this for me. And for anybody who is struggling with having internal peace right now in the middle of all the chaos.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't like asking for help. Infact, I would rather suffer in silence than let anyone know that I'm hurting. It's so important to recognize that in these moments we need to reach out to others. In my personal walk with God, there have been times when I was suffering so much that I wanted to handle things on my own instead of trusting Him enough to take the burden. A few weeks ago, I studied Psalms 23. Little did I know that today, it would mean so much. "The Lord is my shepherd, I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters." Our Lord is a GOOD shepherd that cares. He cares so much to meet every one of your needs in abundance. All He wants is your trust. Faith is the main ingredient to destroy all fear, doubt, and heartache. The fact that that scripture says he "leads" you, means that those green pastures and quiet waters are places that you cannot reach on your own. A sheep wouldn't know the way there without a shepherd. We don't necessarily need to know where those beautiful locations are. We just need to know where our shepherd is. And the beautiful thing is that during devastating times like this, He is before us and beside us. Even when we "walk through the valley of the shadow of death," we will fear no evil because He is leading and directing our paths.

"We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

It's OK to be emotional, but remember the battle isn't yours. I don't know about you, but I am one emotional girl! I have the ability to feel things whole-heartedly, and sometimes I honestly feel like it is a weakness and not a strength. But the bible tells us that God is near to the brokenhearted. We also know that Jesus endured many pains and sufferings, so He is able to understand more than anyone else. Nothing frustrates me more than when I get upset and someone accuses me of "not having faith." Sometimes, it isn't a lack of faith in our life but just the overwhelming chaos of the world that makes us forget to pause and remember what His word says. We can only get stronger if we present our real, broken selves to God. It is okay to be upset, but we have to remind ourselves in those moments who Jesus us. What do we believe about our Savior's character? Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus, knowing He was about to make him rise up again. Dealing with pain the proper way isn't neglecting your faith, but it connects you to who Jesus is. Even in the midst of suffering, His heart was set on one thing- His love for you and me. So, we can always rest knowing that just like it was for Lazarus, the resurrection is coming for us too. He loves us that much.

"Suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4

Inviting Him into the middle of your struggle changes things. I know that "producing perseverance" is the last thing some of us want to think about right now. In some moments, it is way too easy to elevate the problem, and not elevate God. It is in those moments when we lose control of ourselves. If we elevate God in the middle of the obstacle, He can use that obstacle to elevate you. It's hard to think of it that way when we are carrying the weight of worry, especially when we have responsibilities and things are completely out of our hands. As I sat and thought about this, I thought about Peter. I thought about how He was not afraid of stepping out of the boat. But, the moment He took His eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink.

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They neither toil nor spin. Yet I tell you, Not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won't He do much more for you-- You of little faith?" Matthew 6:28-30

So, this is for you. The one that's worried. The one that's overthinking. The one who's heartbroken. The one that is afraid of what the future holds. The Lord is sovereign and knows your every need. Don't you think that even if He would clothe the flowers of the field, and provide a home for the birds in the sky, that He would do even more for you? My prayer for you is that this would be a time that you are persistently seeking. Persistently pursuing the Lord and desiring to hear from Him. I pray He gives you the sweetest signs, reminding you that you aren't alone in the valley. I hope you choose to turn to the open arms of Jesus instead of worrying about what the future holds. He already knows what lies ahead, and He will make every one of your current inconveniences come together for your good, in order to get you to the promised land. Don't let the enemy steal that beautiful truth from you.

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.