Its been a year. A long hard fucking year since you last did what you did. And it feels great. I want you to remember that feeling. And maybe you haven't reached a year yet. That's okay. Think about that milestone that you hit. How great that felt. When you hit that day, that month, you probably posted it all over social media or you texted that one friend that just seems to know everything about you. And you celebrated. You were happy. Remember that feeling?

Now if you are reading this I don't expect you to be that happy. In fact you are probably wanting to give in to your thoughts. The ones telling you that it wouldn't hurt to just do it. Whatever that may be. And i'm not here to stop you. In fact I can't really do anything. And that kinda sucks because I wish I could help you in every way possible. I wish I was there to tell you everything will be okay and that this moment and what your feeling will pass. But that would be lying to you. And I don't want to do that. Because those feelings of wanting to cut, drink, smoke, or whatever it may be will always be with you. Especially on days when you feel sad, depressed, lonely, angry, and every emotion in between. Even though I can't stop those thoughts I am going to give you reasons why not.

One - you are beautiful. You probably don't hear that enough. But you are. You're beautiful with or without makeup, in dresses or sweats, skinny or "fat," glasses or contacts, or however else you may look. You are you and that is so fucking cool. There is no one else like you on this planet. You are so unique and that makes you beautiful. Also looks don't matter as much as whats on the inside and my guess is you are kind, funny, smart, brave, and the list goes on.

Two - You have friends and family that care about you and it hurts them to see you so hurt and broken. Sometimes they don't know what to do to help but trust me when I say there trying. And when I say family, yes it can mean blood related but it doesn't have to. Family can be whoever you want it to be. And they all want to see you happy and succeeding in life. And if you really have no one you can think of then you have me. So now you have someone rooting for you. I'll always root for you.

Three - You worked to damn hard to just give it up now. Listen here, are you really willing to give away that feeling of accomplishment that you had when you reached that set date of yours? That was hard enough as it is. And if your like me you probably set another one. So continue and reach that goal. Don't give up, not now. Just think how happy you will feel when you don't do vs if you do. If you do you'll feel guilty and so much worse about yourself than you already do.

Four - You are so much stronger than you think. I mean if you were weak you wouldn't have found this. You were trying to find a reason and here you are. If you were weak you would have already gave in. But you didn't. You didn't come this far just to come this far. There's still a fight in you. So fight with every last breath.

Five - You'll become a different person. Any maybe this is just me. But speaking from experience I withdrew from family and friends. My grades went down. I just didn't care about anything anymore. I was sad and angry all the time. And I don't want that for anyone. I don't wish depression, anxiety, drinking, self harm, drugs, eating disorders, or anything else on anyone. I believe everyone deserves a chance to be happy. And that includes you.

Now theirs so much more I could say about why you shouldn't. But I don't have the time or the energy to do that. However what I do know is this letter may help someone else. But maybe its just a reminder for me. For me not to be a fucking idiot and mess everything up. And sometimes you just need to do that to yourself. Sometimes you just need to be a little tough on youself to improve and get better.

If you are currently trying to better yourself by not cutting, drinking, smoking, or whatever else that may be i congratulate you for making it however far you have come. And I want to end with this. If you do relapse its okay. Its not the end of the world and it dosen't mean you are weak. It just means you didn't know how else to cope. Who to talk to. How to feel better. And I think thats all stuff you learn on a road to recovery. You learn who will be there for you. Who will help you stay strong. Who you can annoy in texts or calls. You learn all this as you go. You lean to never regret anything that has happened in your life, it can't be changed, undone. or forgotten. So take it as a lesson, learn from it and move on.