Another mistake. Another letdown. Another jerk. Another heartbreak. More tears. More regret. More disappointment. More frustration. Another lesson learned. Another "almost something." Increased sensitivity. Increased doubt. Numb. Emotionless. Disordered. Confused. Another new start.
SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Doesn't Think She's Good Enough
It's not fair that he strips your pride and leaves your brain unsettled.
You are worthwhile. You are beautiful. You are rare. You are not the discouraging words he has called you. You are not a call at 5 a.m. You are not the last resort. You are not there for him because she is not. You are not one night in his bed. You are exclusive, genuine, incomparable.
You are more.
It's become second nature. You meet someone. You hear unfavorable words spoken about him. You give him the benefit of the doubt. You think you can change him. He is better to you, he cares for you, he is different. Until his sick and twisted mind shatters you. But you don't deserve that. You don't deserve anyone less than admirable. Run now. Because once he has lost his gleam, you will see that too. You will see that he is dull, hateful, deceptive. He builds himself up by manipulating you. He manipulates you until you believe you deserve all that he has given you. But you don't, because you deserve everything in this world.
You deserve better. You don't deserve a liar nor a cheater. You don't deserve a guy who wakes up next to you today, only to wake up to someone else tomorrow. You don't deserve someone who doesn't know what he wants. You don't need to compete for his attention over someone else's. You don't need to change. You don't need to watch what you say, watch how you dance, watch what you wear. You don't need to wonder where he is. You don't deserve a guy that pumps his lungs full of smoke and his blood full of alcohol. You don't deserve someone who isn't ready. Because there is someone who will be ready. You don't deserve a guy who throws it all away after one bad night. And know that it wasn't one night. Know that he is a coward, he is faint-of-heart. He is intimidated. Intimidated because you are different. You have independence, intelligence, importance.
A man has goals, aspirations, a future. A man will deal with your sloppy nights and your lazy nights and your library nights. A man will love what you believe to be broken. A man will never run away. A man does not leave you on your bathroom floor when you've had too much to drink. A man does not strip your brain to open up your heart, only to walk away. A man does not have multiple girls on-call at a moment's notice. To believe this is all that you are worth is shameful.
When this type of "man" has broken your heart, thank him. Thank him for showing himself, thank him for finally learning, to be honest. Even if the only honesty he exhibits reveals the unintelligent, gutless, two-timing little boy that he is. Thank him for teaching you what to avoid in the future. Thank him for showing you that it can only go up.
To my beautiful best friends,
Never sell you short. You are incapable of seeing yourself outside of your own shadow, but you are worth every single thing you never thought you deserved. There is someone who would laugh if you ever explained that you were mistreated this way. There is a guy who loves how pure you are. There is a guy who loves how genuine your heart is. There is a guy who loves how much drive you have. You are deserving of the most beautiful, authentic love that life has to offer. I know this because I know you. Thank you for allowing me to be your shoulder to cry on and thank you for opening up your hearts to me. Here's to a much happier future. Here's to men and not boys.
