The other day I was sitting next to my friend, and as I stared at my phone, I asked her: “Should I text him again? Do you think that will make me look like a psycho?”
She looked at me and said “Do not text him. He doesn’t want to talk to you.”
The words hit hard and I immediately got defensive.
In a soft voice, full of denial, I responded with: “You don’t know that.”
Truth is, she did know that. And deep down, so did I.
I knew it. He had proved it time after time. Days of silence, one-word answers, excuses, and broken promises. I knew it. So why, even after coming to that conclusion, did I text him again? Why, despite the silence, do we always text them again? And why, despite our desperation, are they so okay with never answering?
I can’t tell you why he won’t respond. I can’t answer why someone can be okay with ignoring another person and acting like they never existed to them. I won’t ever be able to answer that. But for you, I can answer why, despite it all, you still hold onto the hope that his name will appear on your home screen.
You have unintentionally put your worth in the hands of a boy and a text.
You have forgotten that you are a rare, extraordinary, and beautiful human who deserves more than a one-word reply four days later. You have forgotten that the love you have to offer is too authentic to be given to a boy who can’t even text you back. You have forgotten that his response does not define you or your worth. You have forgotten, and so have I. Countless nights have been spent broken over a boy who made promises he couldn’t keep. And while crying on bathroom tiles and bedroom carpets, the boy who put me there slept soundly in his bed clueless to the fact that I would cut the heart out of my own chest if it meant his name would be removed from the breaking parts he left me with. All because I put my worth in a boy and a text.
If you’ve been there before, please hear these words:
You were worthy before you met this boy and you are worthy despite his silence. You were handcrafted by the same God who created mountains, sunsets, and puppies. You have a heart that believes it is cruel, hurtful, and unfair to ignore the love of someone else. And in a world where such a heart is on the edge of extinction, it is your job to make sure it belongs to someone who will guard, protect, and hold onto it. Proverbs 4:23 says it best:
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
I know it sucks. I know you’ve been looking at your phone all day convinced his name will pop up. I know it’s taking everything in you not to send him another message. I know you’re confused. I know you’re hurt. And through all of it, I know you’re still giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe he’s working. Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he isn’t getting the messages. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he will text later. Maybe.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to you.
And you know what, that’s okay. Cry, get mad, fall apart, then take a deep breath and remember: “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7
