First, I'd like you to know I'm not mad at you. I'm certainly not angry with you either, and I think it's really important that you know that.

I don't want this letter to be me, talking badly about you—because i would never do that. I don't want this letter to be me, saying how much I hate you—because I never could. Instead, I want this letter to be a lesson, not only for you, but for myself.

I want to thank you for making me feel beautiful, when I didn't always feel that way. Being with you taught me confidence, strength, and beauty.

I want to thank you for listening to me; even if you didn't always know what to say I appreciate you letting me get it off my chest.

I want to thank you for showing me your big heart, and showing me that you feel too. I'm glad I got to see some of your walls start to break down within the almost 10 months we were, well, whatever we were.

However, amongst the things I'm thankful to you for, I think they're reasons I hurt the most.

You made me feel beautiful, yes this is true, but only on our good days. You liked to throw all you got at me at once, and then stop. Suddenly i wasn't seeing you nearly as much. Suddenly i wasn't a priority to you. Suddenly you didn't have interest in me. I know the reasons you stopped... I'm not stupid, even though I'm sure you were beginning to think I was. I know there was others, and I know you'll deny it to try to make me feel better, but don't because you've already confirmed it. It's just not who you are. you don't know how to be with one person and one person only, and that's okay because you're young and you're still finding yourself. I just hope, as you grow and develop into the great person I already know you are, you learn that doing that—leading people to believe things could be something really special while seeing other people at the same time is wrong. You might not see it that way, but one day you'll realize. Whether it's because it happens to you and you see how much it hurts, or because you grow into a different person and you look back at this and realize... you'll learn.

You listened to me, yes this is true. We talked about things I don't talk to just anyone about. You know me, all of me. You even know one of my silly fears that I'm not even sure my best friend knows. However, I'm not sure you ever listened to me the way I listened to you. I always gave you my best advice. I always wanted the best for you. I always wanted to make sure you were okay. I put your heart above my own because I wasn't always sure you were able to handle heartache—I never wanted to see you hurt. With that said, I've learned that I need to worry about myself more. I need to protect my heart and my happiness. I need to make sure that I don't lose myself in whoever I'm lucky enough to love after you, like I did with you.

You've showed me your big heart, yes this is true. However, you've also showed me that you have no heart at all. You're cold and i think it's because you feel alone in this world. Everyone feels that way sometimes, and I hope you learn that you're not. There's always going to be someone to talk to, myself included, because there's always going to be someone who cares. You've expressed to me how much you hurt. You've expressed to me all these things you don't particularly like about yourself. You told me, and I was there for you and I will always be there for you. Although, now I realize that you have to be able to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You have to love yourself before you could even accept love from other people. I think that's why you didn't ever want to settle down. I think that's why you choose to be with multiple people. I think that's why you string the good ones along, while you mess around with others on the side. You don't know how to love yourself, and you keep the good ones around because they help you feel that love, but it's never gonna be enough for you. The love you're looking for can only come from within.

Again, I'd like you to know I'm not mad at you. I'm certainly not angry with you either, and I think it's really important that I remind you of that.

I would like to thank you for trying. I would like to thank you for the countless laughs and memories. I hope this isn't goodbye for us, instead a new beginning. I would like to make more memories with you, but as your friend which is exactly what I think I was the whole time.

As your friend, I hope you fall in love and you find the person you want to be with. I'm sorry it wasn't me, but I hope you learned something from me. I hope your experience with me taught you the things you do and don't want in a partner. I hope your experience with me was one you could look back at with a smile on your face.

You're forever something special to me.

You're forever my first love.

Sincerely yours my guy.