To the Boy Who Never Loved Me,
Loving you was like running after someone who was faster than you- useless and exhausting. For every stride that I took, you seemed to double it. I wanted you to love me as much as I loved you, but that was never on your agenda. You always said that you loved me, but I believe actions more than I believe words. The way you treated me proved just how little I actually meant to you.
That’s okay though, because you are just a burned bridge along the way.
You taught me that I deserve someone who will support me, no matter what. You taught me that I deserve someone who will value my time and energy, not someone who would rather pay attention to anyone and anything other than me. You taught me that I deserve someone who will love me all of the time, not just when they feel like it. You taught me that I deserve someone who will love every single one of my flaws, instead of someone who constantly shames me for them. You taught me that I deserve someone who will be there in my worst moments, instead of someone who runs away when life gets tough.
More than anything, I hope that you feel guilty. I hope that anytime you see a picture of me, it drives you mad because you’ve finally realized what you’ve lost. I hope that when you see me with another boy that it makes you want to cry because he was once you, but you took my love for granted, thinking it would always be there when you decided that you wanted it. I hope it kills you to think that while you were chasing all the other fish in the sea, the best fish was sitting right next to you, but got away one of the many times that you were too busy noticing the other fish to look her way.
Maybe someday you’ll find someone who is willing to put up with all of your back and forth and mostly unrequited love, or the fact that you will buy their love, like you tried to buy mine. Maybe she’ll love you as much as I loved you, and maybe this time, you’ll remember to love her back.
As for me though, I will find someone who is the exact opposite of you. I will find someone who will love me with the intensity that I love them. I will find someone who will grow with me, instead of away from me. I will find someone that will help me build a better life for myself. I will find someone who will treat me like they are terrified to lose me, because that is what I deserve.
So the only thing left to say to you is thank you. Thank you for being everything wrong for me, so that I know what is right for me. Thank you for messing up, and giving me the chance to find someone who will prove to me every day just how much they want to be with me. Thank you for never loving me, because if I can love you as much as I did, just think of how much I can love the right person.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Gave You All of Her Love
