Dear Boy,
For a long time I was upset, I was upset that someone who told me they wouldn’t hurt me did. I wasn’t completely upset at you though, in fact, I think I was mostly upset with myself. You see when we were dating, I thought you were the coolest guy ever. I could not discover a physical or emotional flaw unless you pointed them out to me.
Then when you did, I decided they didn’t matter, because they built you up into the person you were. Because of that, I believed that I was the one who was flawed. I started to pick and try to fix the things that I thought were wrong with me. I was scared that these things would make you think less of me or lose interest. Then we broke up. I think I always viewed it as a surprise but really you had your mind made up a long time ago.
I see now that you were just waiting for the signed parchment paper to leave this chapter of your life behind. For some unrecognizable reason I didn’t see it this way. I thought there was something wrong with the way I looked and the way I acted. I grew more self-conscious of my body image and attitude.
All my life I had been built to be a girl who does not rely on a boy for her happiness, yet I was so upset. I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. It was then that I realized I had to make a change, to get back on track. So in all honesty, thank you.
As you can tell, the first couple of months were not easy. Sometimes I would see something on Twitter and want to send it to you only to remember you didn’t care. I remember hating the image I saw in the mirror because I didn’t know who she was anymore. I felt like I lost a large part of myself, and I don’t mean you. For the next few months, I spent crying and evaluating. After my grandmother died and my mom had her heart attack I just evaluated. I could longer waste my time thinking about how many times you hurt me. I had to learn to grow up without my mother by my side, temporarily, and “find” myself all at once. All while you knew what was going on and didn’t bother to call.
Once again I was upset but I didn’t feel blinded. I was learning that the kind of sympathy I wanted from you is how I should care for others. It was through this experience that I opened my heart to others in need more often. Because of you I realized the importance of loving myself. I fully understand that I don't need to skip meals or put on excessive amounts of makeup to feel beautiful.
Just the way your flaws made you who you are, mine define me. But most of all, ex, you taught me that sometimes people need to move on with their life and that’s okay. There was nothing wrong with the place or people they left behind, it was them. Their dreams and future was too bright that it had to begin early. So, Boy I used to love, I don’t hate you, in fact I’m happy for you. I wish you all the success because I have found a way to be happy with myself. So thank you for the lessons that turned into blessings.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-girlfriend
