To Stay or Not to Stay

To Stay or Not to Stay

A fight can change the way two people feel.
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Mr Brooks Point of View:

Wednesday comes around and Rebecca still hasn’t talked to me about her new job position. I don’t know why she hasn’t told me about it yet, I thought we were supposed to be equal partners in this relationship. Is she just going to leave me after all we’ve been through? What’s going to happen with us if she never comes back? I don’t want to seem selfish but I really care for her and I can’t imagine a life without her. She’s my everything and I don’t want to lose her. But how do I bring up the conversation without getting mad? I don’t want the last interaction with her to be a fight but we need to bring up the conversation some how.

Rebecca’s Point of View:

During my lunch break I go to the table Alan is sitting at, “Hi sweetie, how is your day going?”

“Alright.”

“Is there anything wrong?”

“No...”

“Do you want to take a hike later?”

“Uh, I was thinking about watching a movie at my place.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” The rest of the time, we sat in awkward silence. I knew there was something wrong, but if I push him I know he won’t tell me and will get mad even more.

The ending of the day rolls around and I head to Clair’s office to give her my decision. I enter her office and sits down, “Hi, I have been thinking and I believe I have reached my final decision. I am going to take the job in New York.”

“Awesome! You are going to be fantastic at your new job, but I am going to miss you working here. Here’s your paper work, just sign here, here, and here. Then you should be good to go. Your flight is set for Saturday morning and here is your ticket.”

“Thank You, I can’t wait to start this new job. I am going to miss you and the store, I will visit sometime. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Your welcome, have a nice day and flight!”

As I walk out of Clair’s office, I spot Alan by the door with an angry or frustrated look on his face, it’s hard to tell with him. He looks down at my hands and I realize I’m still holding the plane ticket Clair gave me. I look up to meet his eyes and I see the look on his face and I know I’m in trouble.

Clair’s Point of View:

I look through my office window and I notice that Mr. Brooks is giving Rebecca the death look. I’m assuming she didn’t tell him about her new job. This worked out way better than I thought it would. They’re probably going to have a fight tonight and they won’t make up by the time she leaves. My plan is in motion and I will finally have a chance and will pick up the pieces!

Mr Brooks Point of View:

"We need to talk about this when we get home."After I say this she just nods yes. The whole way home was quiet and every time I looked over at her she seemed about to cry at any moment. I feel bad, but I also deserve to know what's going on. I don't want to lose her especially to a job and everything we've been through. When we pull in the drive way she doesn't seem to want to get out of the car. "Hey, are you ok?"

"Yea, just give me a minute." I let her have her space and wait for her in the house. A few minutes later she walks through the door. We both walk through the house to the kitchen and sit down across from each other. I say, "So, I overheard you and Clair talking and you got a job offer for a store in New York."

"Yes, I was offered it only a couple of days ago."

"Why didn't you tell me about it, instead of me finding out?"

"I wanted to make the decision on my own."

"Well, were you ever going to tell me?"

"I was going to tell you today."

"As a couple we're supposed to make decisions together, especially ones that mean you're leaving me."

"I know it was wrong to not include you, I'm sorry."

"So, what does this mean for us?"

"We could still work it out but it would be a long distance. I want to be with you."

"I still want to be with you too, but how can I trust you when you keep important events to yourself!?"

"You have to understand my predicament. I wanted to include you but I was worried what your opinion would be."

"But then we could've worked it out together like couples should."

"I agree, I was wrong and should've included you. But my decision has been made and it's too good of an opportunity to miss."

"I don't want you to miss this opportunity, but how can I know if we can work this out when you're keeping secrets."

"I promise I won't keep any secrets from you for now on. But maybe sometimes you have to trust me if I want to make decisions myself."

"Well I wasn't included in this decision so you don't have any problems making them on your own."

"I told you already why I made it, why don't you just let it go?"

"Me, Let it go? You're the one who's hiding things!"

"I'm not hiding things, I just told you."

"Yea, after you made the decision without me!"

"I don't understand why you're still so upset."

"It seemed like you don't need my input on anything, so have fun in New York!"

Rebecca's Point of View:

"Alan! Come back, we need to resolve this!"

"We just did," then he slammed the door. I can't believe this escalated so much, I didn't think he would get this angry. I still have to leave Friday whether he's on board with the decision or not. I will try to talk to him tomorrow, hopefully he cools down. I hope the job doesn't ruin our relationship because I truly love him and I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

Cover Image Credit: 14 Tips in Fighting Fair with your Partner

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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views

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Don't Feel Bad For Me When I Say I'm In A Long-Distance Relationship

There's no need for anyone to say, "oh, that sucks" or "that's annoying" or "I don't know how you do it" because I really do love my relationship.

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When I first went out with my boyfriend, I wasn't expecting anything to come from it. He was in the Marines, stationed in South Carolina, and it was just a stupid Tinder date because I was bored and I thought he was funny and cute over Snapchat. Not only did he live an eight-hour drive away, but he was also heading out of the country for Christmas. I never thought I would ever hear from him again after I got into my car and drove back home.

But, I did, and a year and a half later, going on that coffee date was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Right from the start, I knew if he and I were going to date, we would have to face a long-distance relationship for roughly two to three years- whether I finished school first or he got out of the military was up to fate. For us, being apart is normal. We're so used to talking through FaceTime rather than face to face and not seeing each other for weeks on end is more familiar than hugging. We've probably blown more kisses through the phone than having had real kisses.

Would I love to be just a minutes drive away from him?

Absolutely.

Would I trade my relationship for anything else?

Never.

There's no reason for you to feel bad for me when I tell you I'm in a long distance relationship.

There's no need for anyone to say, "oh, that sucks' or "that's annoying" or "I don't know how you do it" because I really do love my relationship.

Being away from each other is just something we do. It lets us be independent, focus on work and school, but still allows us to support each other. Sure, long-distance relationships aren't for everyone, but couples make them work. No relationship is normal and like every other relationship, it takes patience, learning, and commitment. The only difference between a 'normal' relationship and a long-distance relationship is is that our 'date nights' consist of eating dinner together over FaceTime instead.

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