Ironically, I'm insecure about having insecurities. My mind has somehow made me believe that I shouldn't be insecure because of some reason that I haven't quite figured out yet. I also believe that that is a selfish way of thinking. To somehow combat all of my many emotions and turn them from negative to somewhat positive, I've decided to explain how they make me feel.
I've suffered from acne for a long time. I always felt as though it made me 'ugly' or less desirable. All the other girls with beautiful clear skin always seemed to uphold male attention. Then I realized, I was really worried about my skin because some guys weren't paying me any mind. I had to tell myself that I shouldn't seek validation in clear skin. Instead I took the initiative to better my skin care regime for myself and myself only. If I couldn't accept my flaws, how was I expecting someone else too.
Another thing I despise about myself is my laugh. I've affectionately given it the title of 'Alissa's Man Laugh". My chuckle sounds like a deep hearty joyous noise resounding from Paul Bunyan himself. It is the same little tune (three little notes) each time without fail. I honestly hate my laugh, but I have the audacity to laugh all the time! I'm the friend that makes everyone else laugh because of my laugh. One thing that keeps me out of my head so much, is the fact that others find joy in my horrendous chuckles. But typically I try to keep my 'dude of a laugh' buried deep by mostly hitting the 'silent laugh'.
And please do not get me started on my feet. Such a silly thing to not like about yourself but my feet and I have a love hate relationship. I love them for the fact that they allow me to walk but hate them for everything else. Mostly their freaking appearance! I've danced for a vast majority of my life, which has allowed me to make friends with the four calluses on the balls of my feet. They serve great purpose of helping me turn barefoot but they just aren't aesthetically pleasing. I have to schedule my pedicures on days where I know I won't be dancing for at least a week. Not to add to the fact that my ankles are skinny and my toes are long and finger-like. As you can see, I'm still working on accepting them.
It is very hard to be vulnerable on a platform that you can only take for face value. But I hope my silly battle with my insecurities will make me learn to appreciate them more. As much as dislike certain traits about myself, they make me who I am. I would not be myself at all without some pimples on my cheeks, skinny toes, and a loud laugh to follow.
