A Letter To The Boy That I Need To Let Go

A Letter To The Boy That I Need To Let Go

I am starting to write this letter 3:02 A.M. on March 15, 2019 so I am feeling all sorts of things. As I am writing, "A 1000 Times" by Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam is playing in the background.


Dear Logan,

It's not getting any easier.

I constantly miss you and you've told me you miss me too.

The thing is, I can't be your friend.

I can't have any reminders of you anymore.

I need to delete your number and your pictures. I need to get rid of half of my playlists because I kept hoping we would get back together and we won't, and you have no idea how much it's hurting me.

I have been asking questions only you can provide the answers to, but I've gotten nowhere.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and you don't know how much pain I'm in right now, but it's fine because I feel as if I'll always love you, but I don't want to anymore.

I don't want to love you and I understand that fully now.

I don't want to let you go, but I have to... for me. It's time I start thinking about me.

God, this is so hard and I know I don't want it to end like this, but it's the best thing for us both.

Good luck finding someone who cares like I do, who understands you like I do, who is as forgiving as I am.

And when you realize that there is no one else out there, I won't be where you left me.

I'm so sick and tired of crying over you.

I'm sick and tired of loving you.

I really thought you were the one.

I thought that after 16 years, I finally found you.

I found you and this song on the same day.

Life went on.

You have your people to make you happy, and I have mine.

Nonetheless, I cried as I sang this song.

The lives we lived.

Maybe we could've never worked out, but I guess we'll never know now.

Happiness was knowing we were once loved.

Who knows, maybe you don't want to remember me.

It doesn't matter anyways.

I guess I just wanted you to know that you were once loved and I still dream of us.

Life got in the way of us, we simply met at the wrong time.

I really hope things work out for you in the future because I am done trying to be a part of it.

. . . Two weeks later . . .

Even though it's so cold and bitter out, I can't help but feel whole. I'm past the phase of acceptance.

I've come to understand that there is no need to be a part of your life anymore.

The thought of being a stranger to you is one of the most pleasing thoughts I can have.

We were different people together and apart. Together we were never strong... and strength was my best attribute.

It took me this long to realize:

An ex gives you a great gift.

An ex gifts you the knowledge of who you are, and how you desire and deserve to be treated.

Often when a relationship ends, it means there was an imbalance in the amount of love.

One person gave too much, another gave too little.

And both parties can step back and assess which role they were.

And also what they learned about communication.

Every relationship is a practice in conversation, compromise, and understanding.

Without the practice, humans would be utterly horrid at being civilized.

We wouldn't understand the pain of miscommunication or heartbreak.

And we would have no desire to reassert our beliefs in ways that are beneficial to both ourselves and a partner, or another human being.

So, an ex is a lesson.

They are a teacher.

And they should be thanked as such.

You've learned about your desires in a partner.

What you desire to be as a partner.

How to attempt to work through issues, and the knowledge necessary to productively confront conflict in future relations.

As well as teaching a person what they value in trust.

Is it better to trust freely? Or be reserved?

These are questions a person can only answer by trying and failing at love.

In loving others, and failing, we learn to better love ourselves.

And to treat ourselves as we wish a partner would.

To care for ourselves.

And in becoming content with ourselves, we can then become more adequate in loving others.

Report this Content

More on Odyssey

Facebook Comments