Recently, I have put a lot on my plate. I can't exactly point out when I decided to do this and at what point, a little amount became a whole bunch. All that really matters now is that my plate did get very full and quite heavy. It was sort of like Thanksgiving dinner all over again. I'm basically using this article to word vomit (if that's okay) about a message that was laid on my heart earlier in the week. It should be noted that this little mental note did not come to me on a bright, sunny day full of sweet laughter and yummy lemonade. Instead, it came to me shortly after I found myself sitting on my bruised knees in my shower, using the noise of the water hitting the porcelain to mask the sound of me crying.

I'm not going to lie here. Things have been hard and for no particular reason. It's a mix of little things, but I've found that that can be the most harmful concoction. It's a mix of being lost, being lonely, being confused. It's of mix of insecurity, doubt, and stress. The ingredients are endless and the cake doesn't taste good. I think the weirdest and nearly worst thing to suddenly feel is the realization that something went wrong and you cannot point to the reason. It's overwhelming, to say the least. And for me, personally, if anything was moved around on my plate, nothing would change. It would taste the same.

I'm not trying to be overly sad here, I am trying to be honest. And I know there are people out there who are feeling the same. Who are wondering how they ended up where they are, where they should go, what they should do. I know there are people getting beat up out there by the world and cannot find the white flag to surrender with. I know there are people tired of the fight. I know I am.

Well, this is where I found myself on a quiet Thursday night. And this is where I have been for a while. And this is where the idea hit me that maybe it's not okay.

I am an okay person. By this, I mean it is my first response to practically anything and everything in life to say it's okay. When someone says sorry, I say its okay. When something goes wrong, I say it's okay. When life throws a fast one, I've always come back with it's okay. I've said it to my friends and I've said it to the mirror. It's my nature to do so. It's what I know. But here I was, a whole 18 years in of saying it's okay, realizing that it wasn't. That's when it hit me that somewhere along the line, it all changed. It was here that when I said it's okay, I felt like a liar.

I think this point in our lives are critical. If you are a millennial reading this, hey! This point is critical. Right now, I feel like I am hurting more than usual, but I am also learning more than usual. Maybe you are too.

The thing is, life is not always okay. It isn't guaranteed to be and it never will be. I think when life bruises you and you're left on your knees with your heart breaking for whatever reason, whether it be your own shortcomings or somebody doing you wrong and whether it be a war you can't win or a battle that ended too soon, it's important to remember your hurt is validated. The fact that you are lost, the fact that you aren't sure where or who to run to is justified. I think it important to remember (or for me, to realize) that even when life isn't okay, it will be one day.

Sometimes the only place really for you to go is forward. Sometimes all there really is for you to do is take another step and breathe another breath. Sometimes it isn't about being okay or even making it so. Sometimes all there is to hold onto is the little fact that the day you can breathe smoothly again is coming. And sometimes that day is not today, maybe it isn't even tomorrow, but it is coming. It's to be announced. It just takes a little more fight and a lot more patience to be there the day okay arrives. So, I guess I'll meet you there.