50 Thoughts You Have As A Sephora Customer Who Might As Well Work There

"I'll pop in just for a second!" I say to myself, damn well knowing that I'll be in this black and white heaven for a minimum of two hours. On my other side, my boyfriend is attached to my hand, practically sliding across the tile floor as I drag him inside. He's not stupid, he knows exactly what's going on. See you when the lights go out, world, it's time to go Sephora shopping.

1. No, no. I don't need help finding anything. Trust me, I probably know more about makeup than you.

2. OK, time to get down to business. I just need a new foundation, nothing else.

3. DAMN, that mascara! Are those lashes on the ad real?

4. Of course not... I'll buy one anyways.

5. Hmm, may as well pick up some lashes too.

6. Oh my God, move.

7. Lady, seriously, why did you bring your screaming kid in here? This is serious business.

8. Should I start a YouTube channel?

9. Crap, can I have this drink in here? Whatever, I spend so much money here anyways, why not.

10. I'll just swatch this one eye shadow...

11. Wow! So pigmented! What about this color...

12. Great. Both my arms are covered in colored streaks.

13. Ah, see, but my boyfriend's arms are both bare... Time to start swatching highlighters.

14. OK, seriously, this highlighter might be illegal to wear in traffic. I could blind someone and cause an accident.

15. Of course it's Anastasia. Love ABH. Should I name my daughter after the brand?

16. Seriously, Bri, stick to your budget. 50 bucks.

17. No, please don't test what color my foundation is, I know my shade in literally every brand.

18. 85 dollars for a moisturizer?

19. Ah, 65. Much more reasonable.

20. Lol, how old are you? 14? Go play with Lipsmackers. Sephora makeup is a right of passage.

21. Seriously, I should start a YouTube channel. Move over, Nikkie Tutorials.

22. Is this cruelty-free?

23. Excuse me, ma'am, professional coming through. Please move.

24. Should I try this mascara on even though someone with pink eye probably used it?

25. I wish I had money, damn it.

26. Getting kinda hungry.

27. Mmm yum, Too Faced peach collection.

28. These poor workers, it's so crowded in here.

29. Wait, no, I don't feel bad, they probably get discounts like crazy.

30. No sir, nothing to see here. Definitely not applying a full face of makeup with just samples.

31. Can I pull off green lipstick?

32. I cannot.

33. E.T. Phone Home, lol.

34. Wait, seriously, I can't get this off.

35. You'd think for a makeup store they'd provide better makeup remover.

36. Where's my boyfriend?

37. Oh wow, Fenty beauty really is nice.

38. I'm gonna go ahead and move my budget up to 100. Gotta support Rihanna.

39. They should have a trigger warning for your wallet when you come into this store.

40. Fake beauty blender? Come on now, who are we kidding.

41. Why do I need primer, face setting powder, and finishing spray to keep my makeup in contact? Shouldn't the makeup itself just stay in place at this price?

42. Whatever. I'll take all three.

43. Oh god. What time is it.

44. YIKES. Better get in line.

45. OK, I have this lipstick already, but how cute is it in travel size? You're coming with me.

46. Bihhhhh. No, you cannot cut me, I've earned my place in this 30-minute line.

47. Dang, lady, phew. Ease up on the perfume samples.

48. No, I do not wanna use my VIP insider points. I'm hoarding those suckers.

49. Uhh ooohh... That's a lot of money. It's fine, I'll sell plasma or something. Who needs to pay rent anyways?

50. Solid Sephora trip. Oh crap! I forgot to buy foundation.