It's Christmas time and you're living in your first adult apartment, excited to celebrate the holiday season with your own tree. But this, like most things in adulthood, will not be as terrific as it seems. Here's the ten thoughts you will most likely have while you're taking a wack at festive domesticity.
1. This costs how much?
It's fun to go pick out a Christmas tree. The lot smells good and it gets you pumped up for the season. You walk around for awhile trying to find the perfect decoration for your perfect holiday, and eventually stumble on the tree you've been searching for. But then you go to ring up your five foot evergreen and it costs $80. What?
2. Who tangled these lights?
Even if you buy them brand new and take them out of the box for the first time, they're bound to be twisted in a knot. No matter how hard you try to keep them in a straight strand, they'll retangle as you're trying to put them on the tree.
3. I need more lights.
So you just spent two hours carefully stringing the lights, and you've only got two tiers left. You reach around for another strand, and oh crap, you're out. Now you have to decide whether it's worth it to go to Target to buy more, or if you should start all over.
4. I have too many lights.
Like I said, you only had two tiers left. And it's not like those strands are one size fits all. You always end up with not enough or too much. Time to reconfigure.
5. Why is this garland shedding?
By the time you're done trying to stuff the garland into the tree so the ornaments are still visible, you're literally covered head to toe in tinsel. Looks like you should've bought the beaded version.
6. Where are the cookies?
Damn, you forgot to bake them.
7. Why is my star crooked?
You cut that top branch five different times to make it straight, but the star still stands awkwardly lopsided on top. Don't worry, now it's a metaphor for how your life is going.
8. I didn't buy enough ornaments.
You spent your whole life collecting ornaments from your favorite movies, TV shows, and hobbies, but you left them at your parents' house when you moved out. And wow, those things are not cheap. Now you have to figure out how to strategically place the six red balls you could afford.
9. This looks like crap.
It's been a good four hours now, but your tree still looks like a five year old decorated it. Maybe you'll save the Instagram for next year. You're bound to have it together by then (hah).
10. Where are the cookies?
Time to reward yourself for a job well done (well, done) with some chocolate chip cookies. Guess what, you still haven't baked them. Time to hit the cookie dough...and wine. Definitely wine.
