Spiders are tools of the devil. Look it up in the Bible, it's there somewhere. Since they are tools of the devil, they can appear out of nowhere and strike at any moment. You could let your guard down for five minutes and -- Bam! A tarantula will be hanging from your best friends mustache. This example hasn't happened to me, yet! However, there are certain thoughts a normal human being can have when sighting a spider.

Let's say you just got back from your local discotheque with your friends. You are sweaty and the molly is starting to wear off. You decided to hop into the shower to wash off the regret of the night. The shower goes according to plan. All of a sudden, out of the corner of your eye, an eight-legged hell-beast is crawling in the corner of the shower. That moment right there has stopped more hearts than McDonald's. You freeze up, your mind ceases to think, you breathe just enough to stay alive.

After the initial 10 seconds of utter terror that feels like a lifetime, your mind begins to race. It is a time for action that's for damn sure. However, what action is there to take? What is the best strategy to get out of that bathroom alive. The easiest route would be to run out of the bathroom ass-naked and have someone else deal with it. The downside of this plan is that it has so many variables that could end in disaster. What if you are a hopeless loser like me who lives forever alone? Nobody will come in and take out that spider later. What if you are a hopeless loser like me who still lives with your mother? Running out of that shower naked could raise more problems. It may end with you getting a frying pan to the head for acting like a fool. Now, getting a concussion may not sound as bad as death by tiny spider on the surface. But a concussion and a lecture, from the mother who gave you that concussion, about the value of money after she sees that doctors bill doesn't sound fun.

So, with the running like a coward option being off the table. One option remains, you must slay the beast. Nothing is more primal than human vs. beast, especially when the beast has the clear advantage. The Spider is Obi-Wan Kenobi and you are Anakin Skywalker; they have the high ground. Do you use your hands to squash it dead? Probably not, the spider could still bite you giving you a tiny bump on your skin for a couple days. The fight would be declared a draw. Do you use a wash rag to smash the life out of it? No, the spider could potentially survive and go on the attack. Do you grab the metal toilet paper holder next to the shower and swing for the fences? Hell, yeah, you do. You swing harder than hippies in the '60s.

Whatever method you chose, give it your all. It's your life and when you are confronted by a spider, your life arrives in the danger zone. Don't let a daddy long legs or any household spider be the architect of your demise.