Our whole lives revolve around decisions that are either spontaneous or well thought out. Even then, we aren't sure if we made the right choices. We all reach a certain point where we aren't sure about our life. Do I have the right friends? Is this what I really want to do? What's more important? The list goes on.
Ever since my senior year started, I've been constantly doubting my choices, feelings and actions. It began to eat me up and it still does. I'm constantly thinking that my life's a mess and I want to take a break from everything. It's like when a wave comes and pushes you into the water and you want to get out to get a breath of air. I see everyone around living their lives with their own problems and wonder to myself about it. It's amazing how when we reach an all-time low, the world keeps moving. It doesn't wait for you. It never has and I think that's the harsh reality of life.
Our lives are full of ups and downs and sometimes we need a wake-up call for everything that's happening to make us realize that the world doesn't revolve around us. For me, it's usually the things I say to others and I regret the words immediately. That feeling will stay with me every time I see that person. This, in turn, makes me retreat and protect myself for others; I avoid people. Others might have a different way of dealing with these kinds of situations. When we make a bad decision, we tend to re-evaluate our entire lives. How will it change the future? Will it affect me drastically? Then, we start thinking that maybe it's not worth all the work. I've thought this many times.
And it's okay.
You're allowed to feel tired of your own life. I like to think of it as you worked so hard to get to where you are and that's a draining process. You suddenly feel tired and don't want to work anymore, but this isn't the same thing as feeling like it's not worth it. Take a day off. Live your life to the fullest. Do whatever you want for an entire day. If it means watching Netflix the entire day, then so be it. I know what's happening, but I power through it and once in a while, I will take a day off and do things I don't normally do. I would read or go out to get Bubble Tea, anything that will keep me away from work and future stuff. Your life is not going wrong, you're just in a bad place, so step away from whatever is causing it and come back with a clear mind. It's like how the Doctor said,
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."
It's a tough position to be in. I'm currently in it, but I'm also doing the best I can to get out of it because I know that one day, my dreams will come true. So, you just have to hold onto the rope tightly for a bit longer. Once in a while, you will and can loosen the hold on the rope, but never let go completely. You will get their one day. You will make bad decisions, but good ones also. You will experience horrible things, but wonderful things also. You just have to hold on to the rope and work your way towards what you want. You are the only person who can change the course of your dreams, so keep doing your best and don't give up.