“Why didn’t you just leave?”

"Why were you by yourself in that part of town?"

“Why did you stay with him for so long?”

“Why would you put yourself in that situation?”

"What were you wearing?"

"Why didn't you stop him sooner?"

"Were you drinking?"

These are all questions rape victims* have probably been asked at one time or another, whether it was by authorities or misguided loved ones. What do all of these questions have in common? They blame the victim. Rape is defined as "a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person's consent." Rape culture is define by Marshall University as "an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture."

Rape culture is a culture that defends a man's father who says a six month sentence for rape is too long because it will hurt his dreams, but ignores the victim's dreams and the burden that she might live with for the rest of her life. Rape culture teaches girls, starting at a very young age, that they should not dress a certain way as it will give people the wrong idea. Girls should always walk with a buddy, we should fear the constant possibility of being sexually assaulted. We are told to avoid any situation that might put us at risk for danger. Clutching our key to use as a self-defense weapon as we walk alone at night is passed down from mother to daughter or sister to sister.

I don’t remember the last time I heard a boy taught to not rape. I’ve heard boys discuss how they could never rape a girl because “only bad people can rape.” This generation's hook up culture is blurring the lines of what is rape and what is a hookup. Many people do not realize that consent is defined by a clear "Yes" and rape is defined by a clear "No" or the absence of "yes" and a lack of clear state of mind. Hookup culture is being used to excuse rape and this is wrong, but society has yet to teach us that. Nobody is teaching us that this is not okay.

I read a post somewhere that warned girls: If a guy offers to buy you a drink in a bar, ask him to get you something non-alcoholic instead or even something within the same price range. Watch his response. If he gets angry, his intentions are probably to lower your inhibitions. His intentions are to increase his chances of getting lucky.

This is what we teach girls. We teach them how to find loopholes to decipher which men we should or shouldn't fear. We are taught tips and tricks of how to avoid rape. That's how common it is. That's how common the fear of rape is. We are taught, as a society, that rape is illegal and only bad people rape, but that doesn't stop it. Our society allows assaults to be excused based on circumstances and victim blame. Rape culture tells victims that their rape was his or her fault. Rape culture says that the way they dressed was too provocative and that they were asking to be raped. Rape culture says they drank too much, they weren't careful enough. It causes victims to be too afraid to admit their assault. They fear the shame, guilt, blame, and stigma that comes with it. They're afraid no one will believe that it was rape.

Sexism and misogynistic banter promotes rape culture. When people use phrases that use the word "rape" as anything but a sexual assault, it nurtures rape culture. It promotes a connection between a rapist and someone who might never rape in their life. How would it feel to know a rapist can relate to something you say regarding this behavior? How would it feel to know you just normalized rape? Out of 1,000 rapes, 344 rape perpetrators are reported to the police. Sixty-three of these reports lead to arrest. Thirteen cases are referred to prosecutors. Seven cases will lead to felony conviction, and 6 rapists will be incarcerated. This mean that 994 perpetrators will walk free. These statistics, brought to light by Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, are terrifying, but true. Instead of teaching people how not to get raped or that certain circumstances can translate to automatic consent, we should be teaching what constitutes as sexual assault and how not to rape.

In the case of rape culture, ignorance is not bliss. Society trains people to recognize short skirts, low cut tops, and flirtation as an invitation to sex. These social justifications are simply that--justifications for rape and victim blame. We need to educate society that these cues are not are not invitations. We also need to educate the population to understand that just because someone wants to have sex once, does not mean they owe it to the person to do it again and again.

Denying rape culture is as sane as saying the sun is cold. It exists in media, music, on college campuses, in cities both big and small, etc. Rape culture isn't just something that can be diminished in a day, but rather it is something society can work toward lessening. Please, understand rape culture. Understand that NO ONE deserves to be raped. A person could be walking down the street butt naked, and NO ONE has the right to touch him or her without consent. NO VICTIM deserves to be doubted based on the way he or she was dressed or how much he or she had to drink. Only once we understand our faults can we move toward betterment of society. Only then can we begin to change.

*Disclaimer: Rape victims can be any gender. The female gender is used prominently throughout this piece because they are predominantly the ones who are impacted by rape culture. This is not to say males are not affected.