When people talk about personalities, they often think of the binary of extroverts and introverts. I definitely place myself in the introvert camp — the only yearbook superlative I ever won was "most quiet," so obviously other people noticed this about myself too. My whole life, people have felt free to share with me their commentary about my personality. The fact that they do so is problematic, but I'm going to share specific pieces of dialogue that people have actually told me that are not OK. Please, on behalf of all introverts, just stop telling us these things.
1. “Wait, you talk?”
If you ever paid attention at all, you would probably notice that yes, I am physically capable of talking.
2. “I didn’t know you COULD talk!”
Just because you've never heard me talk doesn't mean that I never do.
3. “You never talk.”
I always want to reply to this remark with "not to you I don't!" I've gotten to the point in my socialization where if I don't talk to you, I probably just don't like you. Sorry not sorry.
4. “Why don’t you talk more?”
It would be pretty hard to be something you're not! I cannot force myself to be easy-breezy in an uncomfortable situation; it takes confidence and practice.
5. “Do you ever talk to anyone?”
Believe it or not, I NEVER talk to anyone. I don't communicate with my family or best friends whatsoever. I just read their minds!
6. “Why are you so quiet?”
I could turn this question around on you and ask "Why is your hair brown? Why are your eyes blue? Why are your shoes size 10?" It's just who I am, an integral part of my personality. That's the reason.
7. “I thought you were mute.”
Again, I have to circle back to the theme of just because you have never heard me talk does not mean that I never talk to anyone. It's just straight up rude, honestly.
8. “I thought you were deaf.”
If I really was deaf, I probably would've tried to indicate so while you were talking to me. Also, I'd recommend that you try listening over talking when someone else is trying to tell you something.
9. “I just thought you were mean, but you’re actually nice.”
Since when does quietness mean that you're an angry person? It is neither here nor there.
10. “At first I thought you were just quiet, but after getting to know you you’re really nice!”
I think that people who tell me this are trying to be nice, but it's rather problematic. When you say I'm "just quiet," it means to me that you think that the only thing worth knowing about me is that I'm quiet. Introverts have personalities just like outgoing people!
11. “You need to be more outgoing.”
Again, I cannot be someone that I am not. Also, trying ardently to change a "flaw" about myself is not my thing. I accept who I am, so you should too.
12. “Talking to people isn’t that hard.”
It may not be for you, but for me, being in a situation with a bunch of strangers and being forced to talk to them isn't my idea of fun.
