I've had severe, life-threatening food allergies since the day I was born. I am (and always have been) allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, mustard, shellfish, watermelon, and cantaloupe.
The limitations in my diet always required me to have a certain amount of structure in my day to day life. I was able to be a kid and have some spontaneity, of course, but I learned from a very young age how to deal with what I had to.
My parents taught me that I needed to religiously read food labels and avoid the foods I was allergic to at all costs. This often gave me the feeling of being left out, but I knew I simply had to accept that this was my “normal."
It got easier. I soon grew accustomed to having to bring my own special cupcake to a birthday party as a kid, and always having to plan ahead if food would be involved in a social gathering. While it isn't fun, I know it's just a part of my life and I handle it accordingly… I forget I even have the allergies, sometimes. Over the years of dealing with my food allergies, I've basically heard and seen it all in cases of people's reactions when they find out why I bring my own food to the restaurants and why I'm not pigging out on the donuts someone brought to class (if I could be, I would be, don't doubt that). That being said, I've decided to compile a list of questions/reactions I've heard about a million times as a girl with severe food allergies, and an honest answer to each.
1. “What can you eat?"
Um... I'm living and breathing aren't I? This is always a funny question to me because a lot of times it gets asked at a restaurant when I'm literally eating food right in front of them. I can have lots of foods, veggies, fruits, chicken, beef, lots of non-healthy stuff too (hello, carbs?) like cereal, Pop Tarts, Skittles (and lots of other candy), plus, there are many non-allergic versions of and recipes for foods like ice cream and cake. I can eat and enjoy tons of foods, just not all of the ones you do.
2. “You can't have *insert allergic food here*? I would DIE!"
Well, I mean… I'd die if I did have it. See the thing is, most of my allergies, I've had my whole life. So, I can't really miss something I never had in the first place, which does away with most of the “you're missing out" aspect of things. If anything, my food allergies now are more of an annoying social crutch- I'd love to be more spontaneous and say, “Hey, let's go grab some fro-yo," just like any other normal person my age, but my allergy to dairy doesn't permit that. While this gets frustrating, it's nothing I haven't handled for the past 19 years. I usually just grab a drink if I'm out with friends on an unplanned food run and there's nothing I can have at the place we are. Yes, I wish I could have the food you love so much, but I choose life… hahaha!
3. “I'm so sorry! *goes on and on about being sorry and whatever gathering we are at turns into a Dateline investigative documentary about my life with food allergies*"
Hear me out here, I don't want this to come off as rude. I love that this person is concerned with my well-being and I get that they're doing it out of compassion, I majorly appreciate that. I just hate the feeling of being pitied. I don't really see myself as a victim, and it doesn't offend me or make me feel bad at all to see other people enjoying their food and carrying on normally. I want my friends to enjoy themselves and having to bringing my own food to social gatherings doesn't bother me in the slightest. My allergies are something I've dealt with my whole life, and to me, they're not a big deal. When someone makes a big deal out of them, they become that. I feel a little weird suddenly segueing the conversation into a 20 minute monologue about how my food allergies affect my life, what I can eat, and how I handle things. This concern all comes from a good place, but it catches me a little off guard and makes me feel weird when a dinner party suddenly becomes centered around my food allergies that I now see as just a small part of my life.
4. *Acts like they're going to throw a food I'm allergic to at me*
Yeah, no, this didn't stop in elementary school, this actually happens sometimes. 100% of the time it's a friend who's just trying to be funny, and I'm not overly sensitive. I just laugh it off and say “quit it", or something of that nature, but in my head this situation lowkey stresses me out, like, a lot. Life-threatening is no joke! Please don't make me have to get all mom-ish and scold you about it. I'm all for good fun, I'm just not trying to go to the hospital or break out in hives, because that's… well, that's not fun.
5. “I can't have milk either, you must be lactose intolerant."
Okay, I understand the confusion, but no. Lactose intolerance can be super crippling and hard to deal with, I'm not trying to undermine what you have, but I definitely am not lactose intolerant. In fact, I don't think lactose is even the thing in milk that I'm allergic to. While lactose intolerance can upset your stomach terribly and make you sick, my milk allergy is anaphylactic and if I ingest it, I could literally not be able to breathe. I respect that sometimes people genuinely get confused and after I tell them this, they usually understand, but there are some strangely persistent people that insist they know what I've had for 19 years better than I have… and I usually just end up agreeing with them because it's kind of a lost cause at that point. What can ya do?
These food allergy related questions and comments can be a pain to deal with, but I'm used to answering them and I get that most of them come from a place of wanting to understand my diet/lifestyle better. While the food allergies make life more difficult, they're a part of me, and I still live a happy life even though I can't have the foods that the people around me do.
...Also, I've never had to force myself to eat any awful home-cooked dinners while at friend's houses, so, who's the real winner here?
