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50 Things I'd Rather Do Than Move Again

#51 Touch a pregnant woman's belly saying, "Buddha Buddha Buddha."

Em Boening

Aug 08, 2016

UNC Charlotte

184

WordPress

College is a beautiful time in life, full of experiences to last you a lifetime -- the crisp fall air as you walk to class, the muffled cries during exam week and the faint but unmistakable vomit smell in every club bathroom. You learn how to handle your booze (maybe) and not to touch the sleeping student in the library. You will also probably get to move every eight months and somehow, want to die. Every. Single. Time. Here's a long but not comprehensive list of the things I would much rather be doing.

1. Cook a 10 inch thick steak over a lighter.

2. Put that lighter to my eye when I'm done.

3. Walk on a tightrope, wearing a Pride flag and pasties, over a pit of 60-something hyper-conservatives.

4. Kiss a toad with herpes.

5. Ask a Ouija board anything.

6. Click the link Rhonda sent me for some free Viagra.

7. Eat raw, expired meat.

8. Work with Paris Geller on a school project.

9. Put my ear against the speaker for an entire Bassnectar concert.

10. Go free climbing in the deepest part of the Grand Canyon.

11. Give Helen Keller a high five on national TV.

12. Spend the night with Regan from the Exorcist.

13. Tell Emily Gilmore that Pennliyn Lott's house is better decorated.

14. Explain Quantum Physics to Patrick Star.

15. Drive from the North Pole to the South Pole.

16. Build a bridge to drive on from the North Pole to the South Pole.

17. Build an airplane to fly from pole to pole instead.

18. Build the airports to land it at.

19. Read "Aviation and Bridges for Dummies" cover to cover to learn how to do any of that.

20. Carry Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson up eight flights of stairs.

21. Drink an entire bottle of Absinthe.

22. Top it off with another bottle of Moonshine.

23. Then give a concert in Madison Square Garden...

24. ...Naked.

25. Send Hillary Clinton my bank login, SSN and Facebook password by email.

26. Let my 2-year-old niece use my makeup brushes for painting.

27. Go to my wedding in a morphsuit.

28. Cry over micro-penises at a job interview.

29. Give up bread.

30. Break every single one of my toes.

31. Go to the hospital for diarrhea.

32. Introduce a prostitute to my family as my fiancee.

33. Let my dad follow me on Tumblr.

34. Read the dictionary line by line in Yiddish.

35. Pick Donald Trump to judge a bikini contest...

36. ...of overweight women...

37. ...and choose to participate.

38. Convert to Satanism.

39. Sleep on a bed of tacks.

40. Color code Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.

41. Squat and cough.

42. Get a hot sauce enema.

43. Play tennis with Venus and Serena.

44. Play target practice with the NRA...

45. ...as the target.

46. Pet the raccoon in Elf.

47. Give my two-year-old niece a balloon for her birthday...

48. ...and take her to an acupuncture exposition.

49. Put a red sock in the wash with my wedding dress.

50. Change my great grandmother's Depends.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

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50 Things I'd Rather Do Than Move Again

#51 Touch a pregnant woman's belly saying, "Buddha Buddha Buddha."

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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