Yom Kippur, if you're not familiar, is the holiest of Holy Days in Judaism. It comes after Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and it's meant to be the day you ask G-d to "seal your fate" in the Book of Life, or guaranteeing that you're to be golden for the next year to come. To do that, we atone for the sins we've committed over the past year, usually by partaking in a 25-hour Fast and spending most of the day at a synagogue in prayer.
Now, it's not just Fasting that goes on during Yom Kippur. Yes, no food or water, but also no bathing, no wearing leather, no lotions or perfumes, and no sex! It requires will power and self-discipline to get through the day, and usually a lot of distractions. Some take off of work and school and just sleep the whole day away until Services or prepare for breaking the fast, some (like myself) need school and classes as a distraction from being hungry until I have to go to Synagogue, or else I would go crazy! It's all worth it at the end of the day, though, when they blow the Shofar and Yom Kippur is over, and so is your Fast!
You can eat whatever you want while having shower sex, wearing a leather harness, and dousing yourself in scented things.
Now, nobody is perfect, myself included. So, here are a few things I'm atoning for this Yom Kippur. (All meant in good fun)
1. Not observing the Sabbath
It's not like I don't go to Shabbat dinner and pray the Friday night of the Sabbath. Actually, I lead the Shabbat Services for my Hillel. But the bulk of the Sabbath (or Shabbos) takes place on Saturday (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown). But the rules of the Sabbath are, well, a lot. No electronics or electricity, no driving, no cooking with heat, no musical instruments, etc. etc. etc. Props to those who do observe it; it takes a lot of self-discipline which I just don't have.
2. Not practicing self-care ALL of the time
Last Rosh Hashanah, I made a resolution to practice more self-care. It was also my resolution for the regular New Year. While I'm getting better at it, I haven't been very good at keeping my word on this one all of the time. Maybe year 5780 will be my year.
3. Not going to official Services except for the High Holidays
It's the same as the people who don't go to Church except for Christmas and Easter. Getting up to go to Church on a Sunday morning sucks, but with Judaism, you go to Synagogue on Saturday mornings, which sucks even more. I usually have work on Saturday's, which is also going against the Sabbath, but at least I do Friday night services.
4. Definitely not keeping Kosher
Not all Jews keep Kosher. One thing I'm sick of is every time I go to eat something with pork in it, someone goes, "Are you allowed to eat that? Aren't you Jewish? Isn't that not Kosher?" Like, yes, it's not Kosher, and yes, I'm Jewish, but I myself am not Kosher! G-d has much bigger things to worry about than me eating a bacon cheeseburger.
5. Not being financially conscious
I also made it a resolution to be better with my money. My bank account is not depleted completely, however, I also wish it was more. Maybe now that I've put it out into the Universe, I'll get my crap together and stop shopping so much.
6. Cursing excessively
Okay, now this one can sometimes be a problem. Of course, I know the time and the place. I don't curse in front of professors or customers and such. But, it is a problem when instead of "um..." I say "fuck..." or "fucking, uh..."
7. Buying more books when I know I already have dozens at home that I haven't read yet
Listen, I am aware of my problem and the first step of solving a problem is admitting you have one. BUT, there's just so many new books coming out that I want to read! And then they all look so pretty on my shelves, alphabetized to sit there for years!
8. Not keeping up with my fitness routine
As someone with asthma and the joints of a 70-year-old, there are only so many workouts that actually work for me and don't make me want to die. Unfortunately, they're also super expensive. So, not only do I have a time commitment issue here, but also refer back to #5 about my financial decisions.
9. Also, eating like garbage
Every time I do get into a workout kick, I also tell myself I'm going to eat healthier. Yes, I feel guilty about it afterward, but am I going to change it? Probably not.
10. Watching Good Omens 10+ times even though I keep telling people I'll watch the shows they recommend me next
Should I also include an apology for not shutting up about Good Omens after hyperfixating on it for four months now? I would, but I'm not really sorry about it. What I am sorry for is telling all those people who keep suggesting shows and movies for me to watch that I'll add it to my list. Sure, it's on my list, but it'll probably stay there because I'm going to keep watching Good Omens until someone pries it from my cold, dead hands.
Okay, so a lot of these aren't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. But, they're things I said I was going to do and then... didn't. So, oops, sorry!
(Again, this was just meant in good fun)
