I feel like screaming at times. I feel like screaming until by throat feels close to bleeding. Until my asthma starts kicking in , because my lungs can't keep up with such panic. I feel like listening to music that makes me feel like I'm 12 again. Makes me feel no worries, no fear. Just innocence, curiosity, and warmth all the way down to my toes.
I feel like I've been searching for who I am for too many years now. Like I've been crawling on the floor, trying to a reach a destination that's still too far to reach. It's not that I'm trying to get back to who I was, because I don't even know who she is. I'm trying to silence the ringing in my ears. They've been ringing for a while. Could be the banging of thoughts that I seem to always have, but I think those have dissipated over time. They might be ringing because they're searching for that song, that makes all the other sounds dull down.
My wings seem to be trapped by something. They've been slowly trying to open up, and soar, but I've been letting too many things hold them back. They're ready to spread, and show their endless light, and color, and strength, but they're bound down. They're bound down by negativity, uncertainty, insecurity, longing, and demons.
I can't say that I know how to set them free, but they've been plotting against everything. I've been plotting against everything. Everyday I feel reborn. I learn something that makes my soul age beautifully, and I get to carry that with me forever. The new Katrina is slowly emerging. She's rising from the dirt with too much knowledge, too much hurt, too much wisdom.
I think I need to wait for her, but I have to be awake, and alert. Like I'm waiting for a gift on Christmas night. I need to unwrap her, with plenty of excitement, but not enough to break her, or scare her away. I'm ready for a me that no one has seen yet. I can feel that's she's pretty close. I'm not sure if the world is ready yet. Are you?