If someone asked me to calculate how many times I've asked for advice I'd probably say 100 million. Now if someone was to ask me how many times I've taken the advice offered to me I'd probably say maybe 20 times tops. Now at first glance, it might be easy to assume that because I haven't taken this advice people should just stop offering it to me. Yes, I'm stubborn but this isn't the reason why I don't always take the advice that's offered to me.
Believe or not most of the advice I have received over the years has been quite sound and logical. Additionally, most of the people who have offered it have had good intentions since most of the main contributors have been close friends and family.
However, only recently have I begun to question the whole purpose of advice. Recently a friend offered me advice pertaining to a subject matter that I was really nervous and confused about. I listened intently to this friend but when I didn't take their advice our relationship changed.
She became more aggressive. She also began to roll her eyes whenever anything pertaining to the subject was brought up all because I didn't do exactly what she would do if placed my situation. The key word to pay attention to is MY. In all transparency, I thought her reaction was dumb and told her because to me she didn't fully comprehend what advice meant.
Personally, when others seek advice from me I try to offer multiple alternatives that they could take along with the message that you have to do what's best for you. I do this because, in reality, I have no real investment in whether or not my friend takes my advice but really if they are okay in the end.
Additionally, after being an RA, a server, and now an assistant I've come to learn that most time people aren't looking for directions to follow, but instead, they want to use you as a soundboard to validate their own ideas. Most times when someone is approaching us for advice chances are it's the first time they've developed the courage to even utter their concern or confusion.
Giving advice is perfectly fine. However, I think it's critical that we all check our intentions when we're offering up what others should do. We should only be coming from the perspective of wanting to help and empower the other to do what's best for them. We shouldn't be looking for credit when they take our advice when it goes well by saying "I told you so" nor should we be using moments where they don't take our advice and things don't turn out as expected to guilt them by saying "If only you had listened to me".
Relationships are about investment, not credit so if you find yourself doing one of the actions mentioned before you might want to check your intentions. Phrases like these are not only toxic but reek of control and no one wants to feel like your love or loyalty come with strings attached. Because loyalty is rooted in endurance no matter the circumstance not just when it's just convenient or self-flattering.
