Over the course of our college career many of us dream of the day when we pack up all our belongings, say au revoir to our friends and family and leave the life we had known behind for the adventure of a lifetime - study abroad.
For me, studying abroad in a foreign country was something I had dreamed of since I was a little kid. My family was already pretty adventurous and had traveled a lot throughout my life so the idea of experiencing new cultures and experiences was something I loved.
When I began my college career nearly four years ago, I attended study abroad fairs and meetings, asking anyone and everyone the best places to go, see and study in. The fact that I could leave my university and learn the same things in another country while still getting credit was enthralling and set my wanderlust on fire. I imagined a semester of traveling, sightseeing and building lifelong relationships on the Amalfi coast under the Italian sun. Little did I know, my study abroad experience would be much different than I expected.
During my junior year of college, I decided to take the big step and apply to study abroad through an affiliate program of my university. After sending in transcripts, talking to my advisors and lots and lots of waiting, I was finally accepted into my program of choice studying multimedia journalism at the University of Westminster in London, England.
Excited was an understatement of how I felt. As time went by, I began counting down the days until my departure. As a planner, I made sure everything was meticulously packed and all of my tickets were ready to go with my passport. When the day finally came, my parents dropped me off at the airport and hugged me as we exchanged tearful goodbyes. Everything I had hoped for was finally a reality. My parents turned around and disappeared through the doors, leaving me standing in the airport lobby alone, two large suitcases by my side and a ticket to London-Heathrow.
Since I was a child I have had severe anxiety, so much so that it affected nearly every aspect of my life growing up. I was always known as the shy kid until I got to high school. As a kid, I would often go silent when people asked my name. I never felt entirely comfortable in social situations, a notion that would continue into my college years. The only time I felt like myself was around my small, close group of friends and family.
As much as I hoped I could put my anxiety on the back burner during my trip, it would only continue. While I did enjoy my study abroad experience, there were so many things I wish I knew before I stepped off the plane into my new life in the UK.
1. It's okay to not be okay.
When you first arrive in your host country, you may feel a lot of emotions. You may be a mix of excited and scared and confused as to what made you fly across the ocean and live in a foreign place. You may feel homesick while everyone else doesn't. You may want to call your parents every night. You may be sad and cry yourself to sleep because of the stress and overwhelming amount of change you are experiencing, but that is okay.
It is completely okay to not feel okay. You are in a whole new place and you may not feel comfortable immediately, but that is entirely normal.
2. Anxiety is a natural feeling.
Never let others put you down for the way you feel. Throughout my life, people never understood why I was so anxious all the time. They assumed I was weird, awkward and was constantly nervous for no reason. The truth is, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. You could have no reason or millions of reasons for feeling the way you do, and that is completely natural.
We all experience things differently, and anxiety is no different. The best thing to do is to recognize it, embrace it and push through it. Realize what is making you nervous. It could be the flight, meeting your roommates, or your first day of class at a foreign university. Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. You will get through this. This feeling will not last forever. You are more than your anxiety.
3. You may not get along with everyone.
Before studying abroad, I thought of all of the friends I would make and all of the places we would travel to on the weekends. Over the time I was there, I can say I only made only three real friends. Unfortunately, my roommates and I did not get along at all. We had a very nice flat in Notting Hill (yes, that Notting Hill) and somehow, three out of four of us meshed, and let's just say I was not one of them.
Honestly, my roommate experience was bad. My roommates treated me very badly and for a long time, I blamed myself. After talking with a few other study-abroad students, I realized that I didn't have to be friends with everyone and that I should never let them bring me down. I found people to confide in and that accepted me for who I was, and found some great friends in the process that lived in different areas of London and even went to different universities.
4. Going out is not the only option.
There is a stigma that people only study abroad to party because their parents aren't there. Let me be the first to tell you, that statement is indeed very true in most circumstances, but not for everyone (including myself). My roommates were partiers and almost every day would spend all night and even into the morning barhopping. As the oldest in our flat, I had my time in the past, and no longer felt a need to go out every day.
Despite what they said about me not wanting to have fun, I knew that that was just my personality. It's totally okay to spend the night in your pajamas watching Netflix while others go out. There is and will never be any shame in that, and don't let people make you feel guilty for doing so. I know that I thrive off of alone time where I need to relax and recharge, and not in social groups like others.
5. It's okay to have fun without others.
My parents always told me that you have to be okay with being with yourself first. They encouraged me to do whatever I wanted, regardless if I had people to do it with or not. When I began to realize that I wasn't exactly becoming best friends with my roommates, I decided that I was going to have fun by myself. Never let people make you feel lame for wanting to be alone. Take your independence and dive into it!
When I was abroad, I decided to take a solo weekend trip to Paris, France and I had the time of my life there! While other people were medicating hangovers, I was on the Eurostar going through the French countryside, eating a fancy lunch on the Champs Elysees and strolling by the Eiffel Tower all by myself. Because I was a traveling alone, I didn't have to wait for others and could do whatever I wanted.
6. Don't let your anxiety define you.
Anxiety will never be who you are because you are so much stronger. Take that feeling and turn it into something positive. Focus your energy and attention on what makes you happy. Call your mom every night before bed. FaceTime your dog back home. Find a park close to your apartment and enjoy the scenery. Get out and explore your new city. Get on the subway without a map or destination in mind and just go. Spend the afternoon in a museum and get lost in DaVinci paintings. Explore, create and become fully immersed in your study abroad experience because no matter how cheesy it sounds, it will change your life.
I never thought I would be able to travel solo with my anxiety, and I proved to myself that I could do it. Study abroad was the best thing I ever did for myself, and I have become so much more independent because of it. I love the world and myself more. I trust myself. I believe that I am capable of anything.
