Every year I am shocked by how quickly Great Lent goes by and how quickly Pascha comes. Despite my attempts to pay attention and not let this needed time of fasting and preparation slip from me, the speed with which the Resurrection approaches still catches me by surprise. Apparently, I am not good at keeping track of time.

I am convinced that it is for this very reason the Church grants us the consistent themes of each week of Lent in order to mark the time for us. We need this deliberate marking and Christianizing of our time in order to wake us up to the true reality that is at hand: Christ has conquered death and granted humanity eternal life. This is not a reality that simply exists in the past and remains untouched, but rather a reality that extends infinitely forward and backward in time. Jesus Christ is the One Who is, Who was, and Who is to come, the Lamb of God who was slain from the creation of the world, the One Who is our God from our mother’s womb. Thus, this deliberate cyclical marking of time and stepping through Christ’s birth, life, death, and resurrection each year is a reality that rushes forward to meet us, making present that which is, was, and always will be eternally true.

It is this deliberate redemption of time that allows us to be able to repent without the burden of our past memories and sins. An example of this kind of redemption of time and past memories is St. Mary of Egypt, a saint who spent the beginning of her life gripped by the power of sexual lust, being a prostitute from the age of twelve. Once she went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, paying her way there on boat by offering her body to the passengers. Upon arriving in Jerusalem, she tried to enter the Church of Resurrection. But, upon trying to enter the church, she physically could not enter into the church, feeling an invisible force stopping her from entering while other pilgrims entered with ease. It was then she realized that she was prevented from entering because of the impurity of her life and began to weep. Seeing an icon of the Theotokos (Virgin Mary), she prayed for the Virgin’s intercession, asking to be cleansed in order to go into the Church and celebrate the feast. The Virgin granted her request, and she was allowed in.

Upon venerating the Holy Cross, Mary wondered what to do next and prayed again to the Theotokos. A voice from above answered her, “If you cross the Jordan, you will find rest.”

Leaving the church, she crossed the Jordan and spent forty-seven years there, praying for both herself and everyone she had wronged throughout her life. She was assaulted by her past, choked by the memory of the pleasure of her sin. It was only with great prayer, fasting, and the grace of God that she was able to uproot her desire for fleshly lust and replace it with the fire of God’s uncreated love.

A priest-monk who knew of Mary’s holy life and example was once passing through the deserts of the Jordan to visit her and give her Holy Communion. Upon passing through, he found her dead body lying in the ground with the following words inscribed in the sand near her: “Bury on this spot the body of humble Mary. Return to dust what is dust. Pray to the Lord for me.”

There is much we can learn from the example of St. Mary of Egypt, but what I would like to focus on is how God delivered her from the memory of her sin. At least in my life, it is often the case that my own desire for the pleasure of sin or my own shame at what I have done wrong drives me away from running to God in repentance. But St. Mary did not allow such things to stop her, rather asking to be delivered her from her past memories. And she was.

And perhaps we should do the same. We should also seek to redeem our past by the eternal reality of the resurrection and the redemption of creation, the reality that already is and that we approach as Pascha draws near.

Do not give up the fight. Pray for me. I am praying for you.

If you wish to read more about St. Mary of Egypt, please visit the links here or here.