It was NEVER YOURS to take.
It was NEVER YOURS, to begin with.
It. WAS mine.
We all grew up being taught our virginity (or, in "Jane the Virgin," our flower) is something sacred and meant to be GIVEN away to someone we love. In most romantic fairy tales they stumble to arrive at that moment when they deeply connect and have finally said the utmost changing words that take a step further in the relationship, "I love you." It seems as though these are the words that trigger a deep emotional connection that makes us desire to become closer physically.
This is where the movie cues the soft, subtle, seductive music, the lights become dimmer, and the scene cuts to the clothes being thrown on the ground. This is a normal romantic scene being played, where both parties gave CONSENT.
Now. Imagine the same scene, but with the girl crying no. With the girl saying no, no no, nearly a dozen of times shaking her head back and forth. Is it the same scene? Or did you just watch a girl having sex with no consent nor desire given? What is that called?
Oh, yeah... rape.
I said no.
I didn't say yes.
I said no.
I cried before.
I said no.
Now, this letter to you isn't meant to beat you down. Isn't meant to throw you under the bus. This letter is for me. It's so I can have a piece of mind and move on permanently. I have moved on very well actually, so well I know how a relationship should be. I know what you did to me now, because before I didn't know what it was.
Before, I thought it was normal. I thought I HAD to do it because I was scared of you leaving me, getting mad at me, not wanting me, hurting me... I never wanted to give it to you. I was forced to, I said no and you didn't listen. I had a purity ring since you before you met me. I felt so much guilt, remorse and hatred towards myself because it was my fault. "I let it happen."
But actually... it WASN'T my fault.
I DIDN'T let it happen.
You took it.
You stole my confidence, my purity, me.
You destroyed me.
You were the great first love. I always knew your first love will be the most painful one. You fall in love without knowing, you don't really know what love is. You don't even know what will come out of it but you know, you love them. I never knew someone who "loved" me would take what I wanted the most to save. You were my first boyfriend, my first love, my first best friend I came to fall in love with. All you are now is the person who took my flower. Now for that, I may never forget everything you stole from me and everything you did to me.
Although, I'm here to tell you I forgive you.
Through all the pain, tears, and dozens of times, I thought I was never worthy of a better relationship, I thank you for teaching me what I never would have known. That what I had with you was toxic, manipulative, rude, abusive, obsessiveness, controlling and something that is not worth anyone's time. You and I are the only ones who know what happened in every part of our relationship. I won't forget you taking my flower away from me, but I forgive you. I forgive that we were both stupid teens who didn't know what love really means.
In fact, I thank you. Not for raping me of course not, but for emotionally hurting me so much you broke my ego and it turned into humility and self-worth. For manipulating me and it transforming into knowing how to have a transparent and honest relationship. For creating so much division between my family and me, that now not even hell itself could come between us. For making me not want to turn to God because I felt "guilty" and now I'm set free because he told me it was never his fault.
You have strengthened me and my relationships that are surrounding me and you have helped me become the person I am today. Which is someone who can handle much more than she thought she could, someone who falls in love with so much passion, commitment and willingness to be selfless.
You made dating tough. I didn't want to trust anyone.
Well, correction, I don't want to trust anyone, I'm still working on it but it's hard. I kept a wall up and I didn't want anyone in. I learned over time who to let in and who needs to work their way in. Now, this right here, as I'm typing is the peace I needed. Is the peace that I have wanted to come to, to never fear or be on guard that the man I am with today will turn out to be anything close as you. He isn't you. So thank you, for toughen me up, or breaking me down, for letting me come to peace.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence, by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." — Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm a person who now loves herself. Someone who does not hold any anger and hatred towards you. Who has fallen love with the man of her dreams and is able to provide him everything she would have not been able to before.
You took my flower, I won't forget, but have forgiven.
From yours truly,
the person's flower you took