One night stands, first and only dates, and even almost relationships can seem perfect in the moment. Flings fleeting with high energy like thunder storms on a hot mid-summer day, a sudden down pour that ends before it even truly began. After the storm comes the mess, the fallout, and the flooding. Recently, a good girlfriend of mine invited me out for margaritas and we got to talking about one night stands, guys who never called after a date, and all the boys who never loved us back. You meet a wonderful guy who is such a gentlemen and for one night, it’s like everything is enchanted, and you aren’t alone. The worst is when it’s a really good guy who you can imagine a future with. They say and do all the right things and for that night, you have someone you can truly see yourself with.
Maybe he took you out, or just fucked you. Maybe he almost kind of dated you, or he was just someone to cuddle on cold nights. Whatever the relationship, when the phone stops ringing, or never even starts, you’re left feeling as bare as the tree that’s weathered the storm. You’re a little worn, holding a few less leaves, and wondering when the sun will shine again. Thinking about his muscles, that perfect jawline, or the way his venomous mouth looked when he smiled. It all will hurt. You’ll question if and how he is going to remember whatever you had. Thinking that he could have watched you treat the streets like a runway, other than choosing to run away.
You will think “How could I have been so stupid? I am not a toy for you to play with when you are horny, lonely, or bored. If you want me, earn me.” You will think he is different and will try to earn you. He won’t. You’ll over-dramatize it and replay it in your head, wondering what you did wrong and why every guy you touch takes after your father and leaves you. Why didn’t CJ open up and love me like I needed? Why wasn’t Matt brave enough to love me, and how could he leave me with broken promises? Why was Joey brave enough to fight in a war over seas yet so afraid to love me? Sometimes stories have no end and there’s no closure to be found.
It’s much easier to pretend these guys died and simply move on. Imagine yourself on the day of their funerals, standing on a beach rather than at their graveside. You’re wearing a black lace gown, and draped in diamonds. They’re dead, but you’re drop dead gorgeous. It helps, but there will always be a reminder of what could have been. I wish there was some poetic way to end this, but no matter how I phrase it, the words still hurt. The storm they’ve caused has left you with a power outage.
No matter what, life it is going to storm. But one day, you’ll find a guy who doesn’t leave lightening when he goes. Instead he’ll dance with you in the rain. For everyone out there who has gone through this, you are not alone. You only need to look for the umbrellas to know we’ve all been caught in a storm. From all of us who’ve been caught in the rain, we look to clouds as we say “Fuck you.”
