The traditions of Christmas day are vast and well known--kids get up and get presents, TBS plays "A Christmas Story" all day, and people eat ham for dinner. But what do the Jews do on Christmas day? I will tell you that it's not just movies and Chinese food, I mean it is those things, but it's also so much more--a day seemingly just as magical as Christmas for the goyim.

To start, we sleep in. There's none of this presents under the tree nonsense, because the eight nights of presents that we enjoy may have already ended. Besides, we don't usually open our gifts until night. We have a nice late brunch because you know for sure that Jewish delis are still open on Christmas day.

Then we go swimming. Swimming, you may ask? Well there is a solid chance that, as a Jew, you are visiting your snowbird grandparents somewhere in their retirement development in Southern Florida. Next to nothing else is likely to be open other than the clubhouse at your grandparents' development and you know good and well that, while everyone has to wait another six months in the freezing cold to go swimming, you can enjoy that warm Florida weather.

After, of course, is movie time. It's not just movies, though, most of the future major Oscar nominations come out on Christmas day. Better yet, you get to spend the movies packed in tight with fellow Jewish movie-goers, likely watching something fantastic (my best Jewish-Christmas movie to date is Les Mis).

The grand finale of the day is Chinese food, lots and lots and lots of Chinese food. I mean noodles and fried rice and dumplings and wonton soup. Your family probably orders a million things that they all share together. Sure it's not a Christmas ham, but ham isn't kosher anyway.

To those Chinese food restaurants, by the way, I don't know why you're always open on Christmas and I don't really know why we always go, but thank you for always being there for us.

Perhaps our Christmas day is far from the average family's traditions, but we Jews have found a way to make a holiday, as fun as it is, completely ours in traditions. And, as anyone who has ever seen Fiddler on the Roof will know, we're pretty boss with traditions.