Sweetie, I’ve been there. I know you love him and that’s OK. Love is beautiful, but do me a favor, with all that love you are giving him be sure that you are saving some for yourself too, OK? You will thank me later.
I have spent the last year slowly putting myself together piece by piece after being shattered after the most excruciating heartbreak one can imagine. For weeks, even months, I cried myself to sleep feeling empty without the presence of my Love Bug. That boy was my whole world and I wanted it to be like that for the rest of my life. But here’s the thing, while I was busy giving all my love to him I forgot to learn to love myself. While my heart grew fonder and fonder for that sweet boy every single day, hate for myself also grew each and every day as well.
I was miserable with myself. I hated my job, school and day-to-day life. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated thinking about who I was as an individual because my whole world revolved around a boy. My future without him in it seemed empty. But when I was with him, I was the happiest I could ever imagine myself being, so I put up with being miserable when he wasn't in the room. This wasn’t his fault; it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was young love at its finest.
After months of being at the lowest of lows in my life, I had two options: stay down and give up the battle against depression and self-hate, or put the same time and effort that I had into my relationship with that sweet boy, into myself for once. After some back and forth with myself, I decided that living life miserably was no way to be living life. So then the journey to loving myself started, and for the first time in a year, I am able to roll out of bed with a smile on my face, and for the first time in my life, my smile is for myself and not for anyone else.
But my point is that if at any point in that beautiful relationship, if I would have woken up from my self-hating haze and decided to love myself with even one percent of the love that I gave him, then maybe we would be in a different place now. So sweet girl, be sure that you are busy loving yourself while you're busy loving him. I know it’s easy to get caught up in is smile and the way he looks at you when he laughs, but don’t forget about your smile and the way you laugh too.
And to the girls who already feel like they have given their all to a boy and have nothing left for themselves. It's not too late, it's never too late to take the time to look yourself in the mirror and appreciate the reflection you see.
I still miss him, I do. And honestly, I still love him and I think I always will. But I don’t need him the way I did just a few months ago. I don't need him, or anyone for that matter, to make me feel whole. Being able to smile because I love me is the most pure joy one can ever have. So, to the girl who is giving all her love to that boy, be sure you save some for yourself too. That happiness is something we all deserve.